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Media, strength and vulnerability

October 30, 2006

This is a quickie, because I don’t entirely know what to say.

This past Friday, a friend of $pread’s was shot and killed in Oaxaca, Mexico. His name is Brad Will, and he worked for New York Indymedia, with whom $pread shares office space, as well as our art director/photographer Erin Siegal, who was arrested this morning at a protest at the Mexican Consulate here in NYC. She had full press privileges but apparently was stripped of her badge and her camera, and we’re waiting to hear where she and the other protesters will end up.

I’m riveted to Indymedia’s updates now, feeing a little helpless but a lot in awe of the intensity and solidarity of the protesters. New media is an incredible thing.

Update Other people are saying smart and engaging things about free speech, the goings on in Oaxaca, the importance of Brad Will’s death - for starters click on the above link to Indymedia’s updates - some of the most interesting stuff is in the comments - but I just can’t get over the rapidfire response of the forces of independent media.

So the rough time line, to give you an idea of how quickly info spread today: at 9 am protesters gathered at the Mexican Consulate, by 11 am there was a post on Indymedia saying that Erin and others had been arrested, shortly after 1 we knew that they were being detained at the 13th Precinct (which by the way is not the precinct the consulate is in and has a very bad reputation for the way it manages detainees), Erin’s release was announced around 2, while 11 others were set to be moved downtown to 100 Center Street to be arraigned - though a few more were released before the group was moved downtown. Erin was making calls and sending texts as she was being brought over to the 13th precinct and this info made its way to the Indymedia update page, but then her phone was shut off for a few hours. Pictures of the protest by Fred Askew were posted here around 1.30, including this one of Erin being arrested:

Not to mention that just days after he was shot, Brad Will’s last video dispatch made its way to the internet, including his ground level footage of the disturbances, all the way through the moment he gets shot, is carried to safety and drops the camera. An incredible media artifact.

Indymedia is, of course, set up to provide this kind of coverage, but its nonetheless really incredible how quickly and sharply all this information was disseminated, and how intense and seemingly unfiltered the experience of this media is. Its visceral - the crack of the gun shots, the sound Brad makes when he’s shot, the dizzy swirl as he’s carried out of the direct line of fire.

And its immediate - the images and information provided early this afternoon came fast and clear, certainly made internet hangers-on feel present and involved (feeling is important here). Its participatory media at its finest, but its also easy to participate in just the media (as, admittedly, I’m doing) and not the real live events. But as armchair as it seems, media makes it all real: the unrest in Oaxaca has come furiously into the light over the last few days.

Posted by Dacia at 12:23 PM | Comments (2)

Looking the part

October 25, 2006

At CineKink this past weekend, I was standing with a colleague when a filmmaker introduced himself to us. When the filmmaker got distracted by another conversation my colleague leaned in and said, “Wow, he really doesn’t look the part of pornographer.” I looked at myself and at him and said, “Do we?” We don’t really, but we are. I mean, I can play up my curves (the same ones which I spent years concealing) a bit, but I still basically look like a slightly naughty librarian. Its part of my charm.

But I look different in pictures - not different from myself, but I look like a nude model, because I am often naked in photographs (hey, the wardrobe is cheap). I’ve been told that I don’t act like a model and I don’t look like a pornographer, but I am both of these things - even though I’m not “like” them. Whatever.

Over the past few weeks my publisher has been pestering me for a promotional photo for the catalog they are about to put out with my book in it. I had a shoot scheduled, and then things changed at the last minute - you know how it is. And then I was freaking out a little bit, scrambling and trying to find an appropriate picture. Whenever I brought this stressful item up with anyone, they would say “what are you talking about? you have hundreds of pictures?” Yes, I do. But my boobs are showing, and that’s not very writerly (despite the fact that in warmer weather I often write with my boobs showing).

It’s kind of stupid - this trying to be like or resist being like something, while all along really not being anything other than me, captured in images in different postures and poses with different degrees of looking “like.” Whatever. I will have a writerly picture of me on my book jacket, with me wearing black. And I will occassionally show my boobs and stuff in other places (like in my most recent set on BellaVendetta.com, shot by Bob Coulter). And through all of it, I’ll be like and unlike and really just do my damn thing.

Posted by Dacia at 01:26 PM | Comments (7)

Community in the dark

October 22, 2006

I spent some hours of the last lump of days sitting in uncomfortable (er, I mean, vintage) seats at the Anthology Film Archives, watching dirty movies. It was a pretty incredible thing - LIsa Vandever put together a diverse and interesting mix of films from all ends fo teh sexual spectrum, which was refreshing to see. Movies about straight people and gay people and kinky people played side by side (or sometimes one film had characters in many different categories) And the thing is - sure, the hype around Shortbus is likely well-deserved (I still haven’t seen it, I know I know), but there are actually a lot of people doing variations on those themes of sexual freedom. You should go have another look at the Cinekink program, and you should make some notes on the filmmakers who were showing their work this weekend. They are the real deal, and there is a growing army of people with a sex positive vision making movies and struggling with the best ways to represent sexuality on screen.

Film festivals - especially when they are about the much-maligned topic of sexuality - have a strange community to them. In a conversation with Kirby Ferguson this weekend, he mentioned that he thought that there wasn’t much of a community at the festival, not because people don’t want to talk to each other, just because ofbeing in a dark room with our eyes trained to the screen so much of the time. Also, artsy pervy people are, to not mince words, kind of a strange bunch, in that most of us are used ot only having a handful of people to relate to, and when we’re in a room with like minds its a bit disconcerting. Its funny to me how socially awkard creative people can be, how many people I really respect leaned over to me during the festival and confessed, “I’m so bad at schmoozing. I never know what to say to anyone.” And I’m not going to name names - but let’s just say that probably everyone I know and admire, except for Joe Gallant (who is the smoothest dude ever - you must see it to believe it), has said this to me.

Anyway: my panel. “The State of Smut: NYC” went really really well, except that I lost my voice sometime on Friday night when I was hanging out in Williamsburg, drinking scotch and checking out the burlesque game This or That? with the Wet Spots and Kirby (who became an underwear clad contestant moments into the show). Anyway, I was (still am) somewhere between raspy and squeaky, but it didn’t seem to have too much of a negative effect on my strengths as a moderator.

The trailer for “The Bi Apple” was well recevied - or at least it was by the people who came up to me afterwards and asked when it would be for sale (vague answer: in the New Year). Most importantly (to me, anyway), it played correctly and sounded great. It was great to see the juxtaposition of the films of Joe Gallant, Candida Royalle, and Tony Comstock (with mine thrown in there too) - different styles indeed, but all made with an intense love (and some talent crossovers).

The panel started off as a bit of a loveletter to New York, but quickly became more complex than that. I didnt go into it with a rigid structure of questions I wanted to ask, but basically sarted off with the big questions of “What makes New York porn different?” and then scribbled notes and pushed different threads as people brought them up. I was especially thrilled that things moved in the direction of talking about the business challenges of making porn that’s outside of the mainstream, which are mostly: who is going to buy this? how are they going to find out about it? how are we going to distribute it to them?

Perhaps the most refreshing and awesome thing that the directors were all saying is that - its not easy to make good porn. When I first started getting really intense about the adult industry, I looked at porn and thought, shit, I can do better than that. Making porn is not hard. Making good porn is very very difficult - nowadays I’m not entirely convinced it can happen on a large scale.

Anyway, it was definitely a success, and it seemed that people definitely walked out of the room thinking.

Oh, and also, my book is up for pre-sale on Amazon. The cover isn’t up yet, but I tell ya - its awesome. According to Amazon my book is out at the end of May and is 260 pages long. So if you’ll please excuse me, I have some writing to do.

Posted by Dacia at 10:48 PM | Comments (2)

Stripper sues, columnist mocks

October 19, 2006

I get a lot of news feeds and sex-related Google alerts everyday, because - dude, its my job(s). I monitor goings-on for potential Fleshbot posts and I also look for stuff for upcoming Global News Shorts in $pread. Most of the time, I skim stuff to see what it might be relevant for, and that’s it - but sometimes the reporting style gets in the way, and I get angry. Such was the case with this piece: Stripper sues club over unpaid overtime.

Let me first point out that I’m fully aware that I sometimes take myself too seriously and the phrase “sex worker” is still comic relief to many people - a whore’s a whore, no matter what she calls herself. Ok, gotcha. BUT. Goddammit: don’t act surprised when “this longtime stripper also knows a thing or two about the Alaska Wage and Hour Act.” This is a version of there-there little angry woman to the umpteenth degree.

Change for sex workers is slow, but really truly, it is happening, even if some people think its funny: Strippers in Australia last year pulled together a union that provides things like maternity leave and sick pay. A phone sex worker in Britain won a wrongful dismissal case last spring with the assistance of her union, the International Union of Sex Workers, which is a part of the GMB. There is a group of women here in New York who have filed a lawsuit against a major strip club for back wages and non-payment of “funny money” wages (men can buy funny money, essentially tokens, with a credit card, then the girls cash it in later for actual money - theoretically at least).

Its not totally inconceivable, actually, that a stripper would have knowledge of labor law, but it still seems funny, because sexual entertainment isn’t a real job, right? The sex industry is the “oldest profession” or whatever so its kind of absurd that its dismissed as anything but a profession, and that so many people believe that women do sex work because they are such wanton creatures that they can’t help themselves. Sex is hotter than labor, yeah okay, that’s fine. But the twain shall and do meet, and its messy.

Alright, I need to simmer down and go play with my new Love Machine. No, I’m not kidding. Yes, I get paid for this. Look for it in a Marital Aid Test Kitchen post on Fleshbot tomorrow!

Posted by Dacia at 12:32 AM | Comments (2)

CineKink kicks off, and everything is a blur

October 18, 2006

Wha? Everything is feeling kind of insane these days, some good stuff, some very very bad. But, I soldier on.

I used to be able to at least blog quickly enough that I knew what the hell was going on from week to week, but these days have been so consumed by… stuff… that it’s tough to do even that.

Anyway, last night was the kickoff party for CineKink, at which The Wet Spots wowed the shit out of everyone. I saw them play for the first time at the New York Burlesqu Festival in… 2005? I think? Anyway, their song “Do You Take It?” had me in awe then and they’ve only gotten better, funnier, and more awesome since then. They are truly excellent comedians - they perfectly ride that fine line between offensive and hilarious because they know what they’re talking about. One of their newer songs is about a particular squick of Cass’, toe-licking, which happens to be one of my favorite things. But the way she sings about it is hilarious, and also ery very clear that its her personal squick, not something she judges others on. Plus they are foxy, which always counts big in my book.

Here they are, doing their song “Ain’t No Dildos in Texas” (“marital aids” are also illegal in 5 other states) (photo by Brian Van)

In other news, Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote $pread up as the Best Sex Worker Support System in the Village Voice: One-year-old $pread Magazine tackles the pleasures, passions, issues, and controversy over sex work with a twist that’s rarely seen in other media: It’s by and for sex workers. Instead of having to justify their existence, these writers and subjects, both male and female, can explore everything from menstruation porn to activism to the mechanics of their jobs. Check out the full entry here.

Posted by Dacia at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)

Tradition, caretaking and feminism

October 16, 2006

I’ve been thinking a lot about tradition recently, because as much as I’ve eschewed tradition at every turn in my life, I think I’m becoming something of an old softy, and some traditions now make me misty-eyed instead of irrationally angry. When I was younger, I thought it was really lame and unfeminist to follow traditions, and especially to want to be taken care of or to want to take care of someone else – and if any of the above fell along the lines of traditional gender expressions, forget about it.

The meat of what I was perhaps reacting to is that codependence is bad, and so is blindly following tradition because that’s what you’re supposed to do. “Question everything,” has always been something of a mantra for me. But independence to the extent of defiance and destruction is at least as stupid and self-defeating as codependence. Maybe worse, since it’s often reactionary.

In the midst of movie making madness in July, my boyfriend said that though he knows its traditional, and that I’m strong and can run the world by myself, he wants to take care of me and support me. He said this in an almost apologetic tone, knowing that I’d be weird about it. But he was also pretty adamant about making sure I know that he’ll take care of me. And he did and does, and I’ve let him, most of all when I didn’t know I needed the help. And now I really really dig it, even crave it and need it - I want him to pet my hair when I cry and beat people up when they are mean to me. And in return, I want to take care of him in the ways I can, the ways he’ll let me and the ways he can’t ask for. It’s a relief, really, this symbiosis – and it doesn’t make me feel less sure of myself or lazier, it makes me feel stronger, and like there is a safety net for me, like I’m not blindly forging ahead.

Another taste of tradition I’ve totally eaten up in the past month is – marriage. Two of my friends, fellow editors of $pread, got married in their own ways in the past month – one in an art gallery, the other at a restaurant (sans ceremony, but with food and drink, essential components). Months ago when they each announced their impending nuptials I felt a bit stunned and betrayed – they are supposed to be like me, perpetually adolescent, unsettled and undecided about their paths in life. But as the dates neared, I began to get it a bit more, and see the ways that they were owning their decisions because its what they and their partners want. It is stupid – though still tempting – to outright reject the status quo just because it is the status quo. Much more interesting to rework it and make it bend to your will.

See, I told you I’m turning into an old softy.

And these are the nuances of feminism I’m finally beginning to understand – yes, feminism is about the strengths and abilities of women, but at its core it’s about choices. And not all traditional choices, when thought through, shaped and owned by an individual are bad “false consciousness” lumps of misery. I don’t really know why it’s taken me so long to piece that together – it seems so obvious now. Even if I don’t do it myself, nothing makes me happier than thinking about my friends getting married and having kids and being happy in their own weird little ways, and showing that’s possible.

Posted by Dacia at 01:22 AM | Comments (1)

"The State of Smut: NYC" - my panel at CineKink 10/21

October 12, 2006

*I’ll be showing the trailer for my movie “The Bi Apple” for the first time at this event!!!*

NEW YORK, NY; Oct. 12, 2006 - The film festival CineKink NYC will host a special panel, “The State of Smut: NYC,” on Saturday, October 21 at 4:30 pm. (Anthology Film Archives, 32 Second Avenue, NYC; $9/$8 advance.)

No longer the hub of porn production it was in the 1970s, New York City has become a haven for filmmakers who are forging new paths in adult entertainment. A panel of NYC-based directors will discuss what it is like working in this sector of the film business, also considering whether the city itself inspires a unique approach to the subject matter and whether the movies made locally are all that different from those produced in “Porn Valley.” Questions from the audience will be encouraged and film clips will be included in the presentation.

Moderating the panel will be Audacia Ray, an executive editor at $pread magazine and Fleshbot contributor, who recently directed her first adult feature, “The Bi Apple.” Panelists include:

Tony Comstock of Comstock Films, specializing in explicit documentaries of real-life lovers (including the recently banned-in-Australia “Damon & Hunter: Doing it Together,” which will have its US Premiere later that evening in the CineKink NYC schedule, October 21, 8:30 pm);

Tony Dimarco, art director for Lucas Entertainment, which produces glossy films for the gay adult market, and art director/director of photography of their most recent feature, “La Dolce Vita;”

Joe Gallant of Black Mirror Productions, whose gritty, East Village-based productions are touted as “sleazy NYC sex;” and

Candida Royalle, whose pioneering Femme Productions was founded in 1980 to make erotica intended primarily for women.

Billing itself as “the really alternative film festival,” CineKink NYC will run October 17-22, 2006. Presented by CineKink, an organization dedicated to the recognition and encouragement of kink-positive depictions in film and television, works presented at CineKink NYC range from documentary to drama, mildly spicy to quite explicit - and everything in between.

For more information and advance tickets, visit http://www.cinekink.com.

Posted by Dacia at 02:05 PM | Comments (1)

Women

October 02, 2006

I am writing a book about women - Seal is, after all, a women’s and feminist press.

It kinda brings me back to my first class on feminism in college, in which we considered the question “what is a woman?” I’ve been working on my own internalized assumptions and trying to second guess myself, and leave things as open as possible, as diverse as possible - which is prety difficult when writing about the internet. Though in my day-to-day internet rounds I am perhaps too oblivious to issues of race and that gap that exists, in trying to represent “women’s experiences” (quotey mcquote because its an immense and unatainable goal) in book-form I’ve become hyperaware of this issue.

Early in my process of doing and seeking out interviews, I got an email from a woman who asked me, “Are you open to interviewing lesbians or are you just interviewing heterosexual women?” And the question - the idea that this woman felt like this is or has been an issue with the category of “woman” - damn near broke my heart.

So: inclusiveness. The impossible task.

This week I’m working on the chapter about health, and I think its the perfect place to be inclusive of trans people who are transitioning both into and out of being a woman. So this is my new obsession, trying to write about difference in a way that acknowledges it as out of the norm, but also normalizes it in a way - as part of “women’s” experiences.

Of course its a lofty goal, one which I will inevitably mess up a bit. But if it spawns good discussion, even if its critical of my approach, then that’s a good thing. Of course, I just know that I’m going to have those moments of insecurity about the whole thing, about being an author and an authority. But that’s all part of the game, I suppose.

Posted by Dacia at 09:15 PM | Comments (5)