Art vs porn

July 29, 2004

In college, I wrote my thesis basically about the duel between art and porn: what’s the difference and why does it matter? I believe that the answer to this can be fairly simple, though by no means clearly delineated (a contradiction you say? phooey): the content of the image doesn’t decide whether its art or porn - it lies almost entirely in the presentation - where is it shown? in what context? what materials are used?

I’ve thought a lot about this, but sometimes doing is way more fun than thinking. Its participatory theory. I’m being a little tongue-in-(er)-cheek here, because what I’m talking about here is fucking in front of a camera - you know, “coitus, the physical act of love.”

A few months ago, I (with the cooperation of one camera-wielding friend and one cock-wielding friend) started to experiment with the fucking on camera thing, with the aim of - well, making dirty pictures. We decided to submit a piece to the second annual Neo-Erotic Juried Show at Art at Large, a gallery in Hell’s Kitchen run by two of my favoritest people. Anyway, our piece got accepted, and hey ho I’m an artist.

A view of Art at Large’s Neo-Erotic exhibition - there’s a piece of me, over in the corner. art at large gallery view

And here’s a better view. come shot

Posted by Dacia at 12:02 AM

Alert! There is porn on your computer!

Its hilarious, sad and frustrating when I get pop-ups that “alert” me to the fact that I have porn on my computer. Considering that I spend several hours a day looking at porn at my job - and not even furtively, I’m paid to look at porn - its no wonder that there is porn on my computer.

I know, I know - I’m not the target audience for these pop-ups. But the part that makes me sad is that there are efforts made to create pop-ups and other online advertisements that remind people (ok, specifically these ads are aimed at MEN) that they are supposed to be afraid of being discovered and that they need to erase their tracks and prevent the spouse from finding out.

The frustrating part is that I constantly get pop-ups that are irrelevant to my life. Plus I know that I’m part of a very small fraction of people (not to mention women) for whom porn is a glorious wonderful thing that isn’t attached to a lot of sexual shame.

Of course I recognize that sex is by and large something “people” don’t talk about in a healthy, constructive way and that, as much as I trump no-shame sexuality and pride in beating off to porn, the reality is that most people just don’t see it that way. And that’s what landed me where I am now, in this weird place of negotiating between Pervland and the Straight World - the sad realization that my professional verve for porn will not be smiled on outside of my own head and a small supportive group of perverts is, well, sad.

Posted by Dacia at 12:00 AM | Comments (1)

Self and non-self

July 28, 2004

So to put my best foot forward with trying to explain who I am, I’ll rely on some trusty identity shorthand and then expand from there.

I’m a grrl, bisexual, polyamorous, a slut, pervert and nerd.

And now, to put that liberal arts education to work, I’ll deconstruct this a little. Ah, the semantics of identity: -Grrl: Calling myself a woman still feels wrong (at 24) , girl sounds too diminiutive. Though I missed the heighth of the riot grrl movement by a few years, as a teenager I was inspired by Bikini Kill and Babes in Toyland, so the grrl is always in there. And out and about, with the prowling. -Bisexual: this one is always problematic. I like boys and grrls - but I also appreciate the genderqueer, transfolk and others who slip between the cracks (or go there kicking and screaming). I use “bisexual” because unlike “queer” it is more clear about the fact that I like (love, really) biological men. I’ve debated using something like “multisexual” or “pansexual” - and the words I prefer are always subject to change. -Polyamorous: in the past two years, I’ve come to the realization that while I am capable of monogamy, I prefer to make my life more complicated than that. I’ve experimented with the open relationship thing - and the truth is that I just don’t know what I want. I like being a slut, but I’m just not sure if I should have a primary partner and be a slut or if I should juggle more than one serious relationship (and also still be a slut). -Slut: I love this word. To me, its means that I like fucking unapologetically and safely. It means that I’m aware of myself and that I know (most of the time) what I want. It means that I have fantasies, but I like to take action on them as soon as I can manage it. -Pervert: This fits in nearby the whole slut thing. I think about sex a lot - sometimes in a very civilized manner, but often in its baser forms. I have dirty thoughts, I jerk off to dirty movies, I like it dirty. And I think that being a pervert can be a good thing. -Nerd: I overanalyze things, love research and want to know a lot of stuff - about sexuality in the cultural sense, about my sexuality, and about my partners. Its incurable, but mostly lovely.

Posted by Dacia at 11:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

A beginning

Things haven’t always looked like this - divided. But somehow they are now, and I’m starting to learn a thing or two about the closet.

The thing is: three years ago, I turned my academic (and prurient, lets not forget that) interest in sex/identity/gender and most of all FUCKING into a career. And I’ve been plugging away like that ever since - doing formal research on sexuality (in the cultural history sense, not the scientific one), working for a porn company, doing some responsible pervert stuff like teaching HIV/STI prevention workshops, and dabbling a bit in sex work - the kind with nakedness and fucking instead of just thinking.

But now I’m at a kind of crossroads. Because there are many facets of me, I’ve decided to go in a direction that, while it isn’t new to my life, requires me to be more closeted about my perversions (professional and otherwise). While in many ways I’m totally psyched about my choice, in other ways I’m utterly terrified and sad to be moving into a world where people will assume I’m like them or potentially freak out if they know that I’m not.

So that’s - roughly - what this blog is to be about: the process I’m going through as I try to figure out what it looks like to try and create a balance between Straight World and Pervland, in both the professional and filthy senses. You’ll get to read plenty of ruminations on sex, politics, history and get acquainted with the inner workings of my brain as I think these things through - but you’ll also get to hear funny stories from the daily worklife of a half-time professional pervert. And, of course, you’ll also get some dirty stories that aren’t about work at all.

Posted by Dacia at 11:55 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack