« On the upswing | Main | Author photo vote »
Online intimacies
November 20, 2006
My book is not about me (except for the introduction, those 5,000 words that will produce so many awkward conversations when the book comes out and it gets read by people who know me but didn’t know that stuff), but it is. It is about me because I wouldn’t be able to write Naked on the Internet (hahaha, check it out, I just totally linked to my book’s amazon page!) in the way I’m writing it, with the intimate knowledge of such things, had I not gotten naked on the internet myself. Ooooh, an insider’s guide!
I’m trying to at once be level headed about my observations and slinging of cultural criticisms, but also transparent about my personal involvement and commitment to these ideas. Its an interesting line to walk, especially since its not like I did the journalist/ethnographer thing of immersing myself in a culture and then removing myself from it in order to get perspective and write abut it - for better or worse, I’m still very much in the midst of living and being in my subject matter.
I think this is most striking when I’m tapping out my ideas about online intimacy - because there’s this weird way in which I’m writing about other people but also writing about myself, and sometimes perhaps not considering myself enough. My online and distance intimacies are what are sustaining me in many ways through this process. That and 10 phone daily exchanges with my boyfriend. And caffeine.
A lot of it has to do with writing, and I wonder if I’d be as intimate with the ladies I share my thoughts and feelings with daily if it weren’t for writing, for that online space in which we interact and have time for each other. I’m terrible at making physical time and space for my friends who are here in New York - I think maybe that is true in general, but a million times more so during this intense book writing time. I need to share, to have this exchange, but on the internet it feels almost effortless, natural, part of my engagement with the internet itself, an engagement that I’m involved in anyway (though of course emailing friends is a little different then scouring the internet for Fleshbot-worthy smut). Offline, this kind of intimate freedom of words is a challenge for me (when we first started dating, my boyfriend would joke “do I have to read your blog to know how you feel about me?”), though I think I tap into that honest, emotional place a bit more often these days.
But maybe the essence of what allows me to be freer and more open online, in my writing and exchanges and increasingly often in my phone calls (or Skype!) is that its mediated by technology that I can control (read: turn off). Offline life is terribly inconvenient, with the scheduling, and the moving around and having to wear presentable clothes and shit. Online life is always there, waiting for me at the press of a button. Which, theoretically, I can turn off and on at will.
The point is, lofty theories and thinky brains or no, I’m not sitting high and mighty in my ivory tower peering down at this nudity and those internets. I’m tangled up in this web (har har), which is good and bad, and something I need to keep awareness on as I write these last few chapters and then take a spin back through and edit away.
Hey, remember when my blog was all about boinking for fun and profit, and it was hard to keep track of all my sex partners? Seems so far away these days. Not the boinking (for fun at least), but the writing about it all. But I guess that’s the thing about blogging - its a process that changes and maps that change over time. Ah jeez, there I go getting all heavy again. I’ll try to make it fun again come the new year, I promise - after all, I will be attending the Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas shortly after my book manuscript is due, in the company of my dude friend, Jamye Waxman, Bella Vendetta, Zak Sabbath, Benny Profane, and assorted other wackadoos. That should produce some quality entertainment. Um, provided I can remember it. I’ll just have to take pictures.
Posted by Dacia at November 20, 2006 01:31 AM
Comments
Great post… And I know what you mean about offline vs. online life. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that making connections seems more “effortless” online. And I also don’t think being able to “turn it off” is a bad thing, either. We all need our time to disengage, and reconnect with ourselves. If technology helps us to do that, then I say all the better. Because then our interactions with those who are close to us (physically and/or emotionally) will be more genuine. I think so, anyway.
I’ve been thinking about what you wrote on my blog… “The thing is, you are telling the story, even when you don’t know it.” I thought that was a very interesting comment and it’s given me a lot to think about. I know I’ll never completely get ‘out of’ my own story, even when/if I do decide to write a book about it. ANyway… it was something good to think about. I’m still working on it.
Posted by: Amber at November 20, 2006 09:04 AM
“Hey, remember when my blog was all about boinking for fun and profit, and it was hard to keep track of all my sex partners? Seems so far away these days.”
I can relate. I started out blogging with a more personally revealing sexy pics an entries. Yeah, things change over time. And is My blog is not as revealing now.It has evolved over 2 1/2 yrs.
Isn’t it hard when readers want you to stay the same and leave when you ar enot so “sexy”.
My hits have suffered becuase of it.
Posted by: Chica at November 20, 2006 04:52 PM
I used to be VERY into the online life, with three blogs running and lots of email pals. When I met my life partner (online, ‘natch) I sort of retreated from that world, but I’m slowly coming back to it.
I’m looking forward to reading your book!
Posted by: Slut Boy at November 26, 2006 02:49 PM
