Putting out

tried to post to your other post. it’s late, but I just wanted to give you a hug. More tomorrow.

Man, that sounds rough. I’m in the same boat myself — I’ve got my box o’ change just about full, and in about a week I can see myself cashing that sucker in to pay for lunch and dinner for a few days.

Anyway, putting yourself out there is the only way to get something out of it, and if the effort seems to not be commeasurate with the return, well, I always console myself by imagining how much the dough will start to roll in in the future.

Life is hard and is so unfair at times. I am sorry for what you find yourself in. Hugs - if not inapprpriate as we do not know each other) I shall light some incense for you.

Freelancing is like that. Half my household’s income comes in that way. It’s shitty. We see regular invoices go out, and then hear we won’t be getting the money for another 2 months, if we’re lucky.

And I’d be happy to treat you to some expensive ham. Or make you some homemade food for your fridge. I know you can feed yourself, but treating yourself is neccesary from time to time, and if you can’t go out and eat really good food, you can come up to my place and eat really good food.

I trust that you’ll take care of the day-t-day living part, I just want you to know that the emotional part can get help too, if you ask for it. You should feel like you got something out of your hard work. I’d be happy to contribute.

Lots of us in that boat, don’t feel bad. Well, it’s okay to feel bad, but don’t feel like you personally are a failure and everybody else is doing swimmingly. I make a lot of money, and I’m still always broke because whatever the bill collectors don’t take, I put into my photography, ‘cause I’m an idiot. :) See? It is for zee Art!

M

that’s probably the main reasn why i live where i do. it’s all i can afford.

the fact that you’re able to do what you do, and where you do it, is amazing.

there’s always a way to make money. you just gotta find it, and stick to your guns.

May you be blessed with wealth beyond your dreams. Very soon!

Keep up the awesome work!

When you read the notes and diaries of a number of “big picture” people, you find that they often hit this point as well (multiple times). In anthropology, this usually happens when they’re in the field (occaisonally after being left for dead by the people that they were studying).

The best we can say is this too shall pass. Which means a load of beans when you’re stuck in the mire. But the truth is, if you’re in this for the right reasons, then it will pass and things will get better.

It’s also tough to do this as publicly as you are.

Good luck and for what its worth, you’re in good company.

Dacia,

Reading this one thing occurred to me. YOU NEED TO GET YOURSELF AN AGENT! You should see if you can get some slid representation and it might do wonders for your pocketbook.

Fellow suffering artist here. I feel your pain. Last month my roommate moved out because our landlord is going to renovate my apartment and subsequently jack up the rent. I now have to carry her rent plus mine until the end of the year, by which the renovations should be done. I can’t find a new roomie to share the cost until then and when I do, I’ll be signing a new lease plus forking over the difference in a new deposit. On top of that, my former roomie split in the middle of the month, and I had to carry the rest of her August myself. I kissed my new laptop money goodbye and am now doing my slave job in overtime as much as possible in order to keep enough of a cushion to soften the inevitable blow come January.

Somehow, I’ve adapted. It took a sea change of attitude and discipline (which is still rocky on those alcohol love call nights but I know where to drink for cheap, thank Buddha)…I know now I can make this shit work. I planned the rest of the year out on a draconian-measured budget and I still have enough moxie to enjoy the things I like for myself, albeit to a much, much lesser extent.

I might not like my destination’s journey at times, but when it’s sweet, I suck the hell out of that peach. I know you’re doing the same. So keep your head (or should that be clit?) up!

Thanks very much to everyone who has commented and emailed - its comforting to hear about other people’s struggles as well as your faith in me.

I am being taken care of and supported thoroughly by the people close to me, but the long haul is worrisome. I am plugging along though.

And PJ you’re probably right about the agent, though I have no idea how to go about making that happen. Its time to start ceding a little bit of control and DIYness in order to make a living and put myself in the capable hands of people who know what they’re doing.

Its a confusing time. Hopefully I’m on the cusp of good things… but if I’m still living like this in another six months or year… forget it.

A lot of people condemn how I am broke - and in debt from student loans - because I chased my dreams. It’s hard not to have self-doubt on many days, but I’m relieved I gave myself the chance to try it.

I love that you talked about this in public, and it’s also another reason why I think the way you handle things will bring you success. Your work is just too good to have everything go for nothing.

it’s always darkest before the dawn, angel… i’ll treat you to ramen noodles anytime….

xooxox xoxoxo xooxox

mercedes

Dear Audacia Ray: Please do not explode the myth that all porn directors are sipping cristal and raising snow leopards in their free time; it is demoralizing to the American people. Have your photo taken on the hood of the vivid-alt hummer, that will restore the illusion of luxury.