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This is my brain on jizz-isms
August 16, 2006
I really like thinking up euphemisms for jism. I would probably like this less if I had spent any amount of time as a porno copy writer, like certain other people. But since I haven’t, I feel (relatively) un-jaded about this particular sliver of the adult industry. Just – let me have my fun, ok? I need to have a sense of humor as I become ever more jaded about this shit. Agreed? Agreed.
So. The thing that I like to do that makes me Supremely Awesome (in my mind, at least) and also The Worst Girlfriend Ever is that I like to think up these euphemisms in, er, the heat of the moment. Classic utterances involve the phrases like “Spackle my ass!” and (in the shower) “Give me your man-suds!” The latter one was nearly catastrophic, with the laughing and the slippery-ness and the anger over a missed orgasm because of the former two. (Am I terrible or awesome? The judges are still out on that one). Another one thought up and used liberally by a friend, but which I can’t bring myself to use without cringeing is “snotted.” As in: “Dude, I totally snotted on her face.”
Today’s triumph in jizz euphemisms – let’s call them jizz-isms, as the post title suggests – was “man hummus.” Now, I’ve used this one before, but today it triggered a whole other round of thoughts, you know, now that I’m a Porno Director. So here’s the thing: what do you say to a gay series directed by pervy moi – maybe with Trixie whispering dirty stuff to me while we film like she did during Tucker and Antonio’s scene in The Bi Apple – called “Man Hummus,” featuring all Arab men? That’s good stuff, eh?
To make up a little bit for what a terrible person I am, I leave you with this, one of my favorites, the Men of Color blog.
Posted by Dacia at August 16, 2006 02:55 AM
Comments
If you don’t make that movie, the terrorists have already won.
Posted by: Amber at August 16, 2006 08:26 AM
I think that a young lady uttering jiss-isms would make her an amazing girlfriend. What man wouldn’t want to spackle his gals butt.
Posted by: conrad at August 16, 2006 04:34 PM
My circle of friends have been using “spackle” in that context for a couple of years now. I mean, not exactly that context, but certainly as a euphemism for jizz.
My personal favorite, however, is “baby batter”.
Posted by: Mikey Mongol at August 16, 2006 05:46 PM
Hmmmph…..”spackle my ass”?!?!
Considering the reality of how much spooge a man can really generate as compared to what they see in porn (or what is advertised in sex spam), I don’t think that there would be enough to spackle with. But then, I’m not Peter North. ;-)
“Boy batter” and/or “man batter” sound more right by me.
What, BTW, would be an appropriate euphemism for female jizz?? Just wondering….
Anthony
Posted by: Anthony Kennerson at August 16, 2006 11:40 PM
Spooge sundae?!
Man suds nearly made me spit my coffee.
Posted by: Viviane at August 17, 2006 01:25 PM
when not in the heat of the moment, I always call it ‘branch bank deposits’.
And, I don’t know Anthony, one of the things I like about ‘em is that they is so much more or seemingly more than i can imagine. I especially like the velocity and the fact that, when it missed, it can reach places no one would ever imagine. :)
On the Pulp List, I once got this guy very perturbed when I renamed his post, :Pecker Tracks on the Ceiling:
heh. Like he’d never heard of that!
Posted by: Bitch | Lab at August 18, 2006 11:57 PM
TV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (526) each to donate to a charitable cause…
Posted by: Peter Eubanks at December 5, 2006 05:00 AM
