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Sex, brains, respect and shame
April 05, 2006
So many thoughts and issues swirling around in my head these days, not enough time to do justice to them all. Today a bunch of things came together (or apart) to make me think about the sex, brains, respect and shame of the title.
I know I didn’t delve into the content of the readings from Monday night, though I did allude to getting all choked up hearing Tony Comstock read. And the thing is, he read this really amazing piece pondering the ugly reasons behind the fact that sexuality is almost never portrayed well and tenderly and in complexly erotic ways in mainstream film or in porn. Lex echoed that sentiment on Naked Loft Party today, and further pondered the idea of societally enforced shame and the fears of outness - though pictures were taken at the event, very few of them will surface on our blogs, because of this ongoing struggle between the public and the private. But despite or because of this struggle, its comforting and inspiring to walk among others who are doing similar stuff in their lives.
And Lex is right - part of what was great about Monday night was how normal it felt. But the thing is - this isn’t really normal. All of these bloggers have come together and bonded in a really strong way because we’ve all been through varying degrees of shit with the choices we’ve made or the hands that our lives have dealt us. What we’ve each done with that is a lot of things, but it isn’t normal.
Perhaps the saddest thing, to me, is that intelligent discussions about sex aren’t normal, though they feel normal in my day to day life, because I choose to surround myself in a tiny sheltered little world of people who are (roughly) like me.
Though I am the first person to make a pun, poke fun at myself and be self-aware about the absurdity of writing some of the phrases I write and getting myself into some of the situations I get into, there’s a sharp and devastating difference between having a sense of humor about sex and being derisive about it.
All too often, sex is written and spoken about in publuc forums with utter disdain and disrespect.
Exhibit A: today Violet Blue wrote about a massive article in the SF Weekley about Cake, exported from NYC to SF (with love!) for a big party there recently.
Exhibit B: a snarky, sex negative article in the NY Press about the Sex Work Matters conference last week. Its very good with factual accuracy (unlike certain other NY papers that shall remain nameless) and its a great big piece, but the tone of it is just awful.
I realize and accept that many people don’t think sex is worthy of the brain power, time and love I give it in my professional life. I also know that one of the easiest and sometimes best ways to write about sexuality is to do it with a sense of humor - I do that myself, and it often works quite well. I realize that the idea of people - especially women and sex workers - seriously thinking about and examining the cultural and political whys to sexuality is absurd to some people. And though all those things are part of what motivate me to do my work as thoroughly and well as possible, it also breaks my heart a little. The idea that journalists can be so crude and cop such an attitude towards their subjects when sexuality is involved is appalling. Sexual cultures are REAL cultures, and as fucked up, obscure and removed from norms as many are, they are at least worth giving a hard look at and being treated as real things and not refuse.
Posted by Dacia at April 5, 2006 11:31 PM
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Comments
The NY Press writer makes some good observations, or at least observations I’ve also made. But he’s so intent on being clever and dismissive, so afraid to betray his own curiousity or desire, that he just ends up making a fool of himself. A cranky, not very funny, crumudeonly fool.
Compassion takes a special sort of strength, a strength he apparently doesn’t have.
Posted by: Tony Comstock at April 6, 2006 08:30 AM
Oh crap. Gerry’s a chick. My bad.
Posted by: Tony Comstock at April 6, 2006 09:42 AM
damn girl
you make me wish I lived in NY so I could have been a part of the amazingness all week. I missyou, I love you.
Posted by: Bella Vendetta at April 6, 2006 10:43 AM
Don’t rely on the NY Press to do anything except churn out a series of extremely cunty “point and laugh at the freak” articles based on swooping through a show quickly, finding a horrid photo to slap on top of the article, and hitting google a few times to dig up some (mis)information.
Still, yes, it really sucks when its your work they’re dismissing in print.
Posted by: Joshua at April 6, 2006 10:46 AM
Well said. With these people (i.e. the mainstream), it’s always one baby step forward and two giant leaps back. I remember feeling the same as you when all those articles about NY’s sex party scene came out a couple years back.
Posted by: Lex Konrad at April 6, 2006 02:30 PM
—With these people —
Don’t take Gerry too seriously. She’s been catching a byline here and there for a dozen or so years by sniping at sex culture from the edges. Not particularly challenging work, nor does it pay very well.
Posted by: Tony Comstock at April 6, 2006 04:09 PM
Just read that article in NYP. I believe the not-so-current hipster colloquialism for Gerry would be “playa hater.”
Posted by: Irezumi Kiss at April 6, 2006 07:07 PM
You know, for an “alt” paper, NY Press sure has been awfully prudish when it comes to all things regarding the sex industry. Remember what a fucking patronizing article they wrote about Molly Crabapple some months ago?
That’s it. They’re on the shit list. xxoo
Posted by: Cherry Bomb at April 6, 2006 07:50 PM
Much as I like NY Press (which always strikes me as an island of zine-like, scrappy, anarchic college writing in a city of slick, corporate entertainment mags)they’re not journalism. And I wrote from them! I wouldn’t sweat about any article in there. They’re over-grown college smartasses to the core.
P.S. Cherry Bomb, your blog is all sorts of cool
-M
Posted by: Molly Crabapple at April 8, 2006 10:52 AM
“I realize that the idea of people - especially women and sex workers - seriously thinking about and examining the cultural and political whys to sexuality is absurd to some people.”
Bingo.
And journalists, well, they’re opinionated and weighed down by their own issues, just like anyone else. If they find examining sexuality to be absurd, that says a lot about them, and a lot about our culture.
No matter what, I have faith that darling Dacia is going to continue to be the voice that other people are too scared to speak. That’s why I love you so.
Posted by: Introspectre at April 20, 2006 11:06 AM
