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Whaleman dick
January 26, 2006
So what have I been up to lately? You mean other than sloppy making out with friends at Rachel Kramel Bussel’s erotica reading series, being gifted with a pointy knife by Joe Gallant, and drinking whiskey til 4 a.m. on a Wednesday?
I’ve been reading Moby-Dick.
And watching gay porn.
Not at the same time, but I’ve found that these two things go together quite nicely (even better than whiskey and knives, if you can believe it).
Moby-Dick, like many books, is a better read without pants. And let me tell you, I keep finding my hand wandering to my girlparts as I read. Yes, I’ve been masturbating to one of the best English-language novels ever.
I’m going to make a bold statement here: a bunch of dudes on a whaling boat is even sexier than a bunch of pirates on a pirate ship. Is it total heresy for me to speak against the undeniable hotness of pirates? Perhaps, but I swear it’s the goddamned truth. I mean, pirates are awesome and wear rad outfits and are swashbucklingly violent and all, but whaling dudes are all butch, they get filthy, their skin gets all tough and leathery, and they thrust their harpoons into the whale again and again, in and out, until its hot quivering flesh is still. See what I mean?
I think my semester will be a hell of a lot more interesting if I can spin erotic fantasies around all of my assigned reading. I mean, I’m interested in the reading already, but if I can masturbate to it I can reduce my porn-viewing time and increase my time spent on reading. Everybody wins! Especially Herman Melville!
And seriously, if Richard Simmons could do “Sweatin’ to the Oldies,” Audacia Ray can do “Masturbatin’ to the Classics.”
Posted by Dacia at January 26, 2006 12:27 AM
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Comments
Ah, masturbating to assigned reading. I few years ago I was about to take a really textbook-intensive biology course. My boyfriend at the time had taken it the year prior, and he gave me a warning. “You’re going to masturbate a lot reading this book. Not because it’s terribly stimulating, but you’ll start to think about what else you could be doing and a hand will wander and one thing will lead to another.” Whaddya know, he was right.
Posted by: Lioness at January 26, 2006 01:32 PM
“…sloppy making out with friends at Rachel Kramel Bussel’s erotica reading series…”
Yay, for sloppy making out! Especially with some hot friends! I wonder if (or when) those pictures will make their way to the internet…
Meanwhile, Moby Dick erotic??? I have always had this vivid memory from my childhood of the Captain’s lifeless body wrapped up in rope and harpoons stuck on Moby Dick as the whale swims away. That’s what I get for watching the film at a really young age. Of course, in that image alone, you got the possiblities for some bondage, knife play, beastilality (spelling?), breathe play, and necrophilia. Hot!
Posted by: Moira at January 26, 2006 04:09 PM
Wow, now I really want to read Moby Dick.
Posted by: Amber at January 26, 2006 10:02 PM
I bet Melville’s all for it, considering one of his favorite author wrote a book about a married woman who fornicates with a priest.
Ah, how classic American literature makes me horny!
Posted by: michelle at January 27, 2006 02:06 PM
Read whatever moves thee, Dacia. But whenever Moby Dick comes up I can never get my head past that old Tom & Jerry cartoon spoof of it where the Ahab guy keeps yelling, “Dickie Moe!”
Maybe there’s something to having hot, shirtless, fullbody tattooed “exotic” guys named Queequeg on deck as well…
Posted by: Irezumi Kiss at January 27, 2006 03:22 PM
Positive Reinforcement to studying thick, hard books. Yeah.
Posted by: taorist at January 28, 2006 12:21 AM
Just wait until Ishmael and his sailor friends start squeezing the sperm. If Melville was concerned about hiding his homoerotic tendencies he completely failed in that scene. I think you’ll enjoy it.
It makes me very happy to hear that you’re getting into Moby Dick with such energy. It’s one of my favorite books. In fact, this coming Tuesday I’m getting a tattoo inspired by it. It’s going to have a tall ship with a whale’s tail sticking out of the water and will say “Call me Ishmael” below. Man I’m a geek.
Posted by: Balthazar B at January 28, 2006 11:15 AM
An erotic reading series without me, and sloopy kisses, too? Oh, the humanity…
Posted by: jb mick at January 28, 2006 12:51 PM
Correction: Virtua Fighter Limited Time PS3 Exclusive..
Posted by: Moises Mackie at January 1, 2007 08:56 PM
