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My big plaid ass, fetishism, god and facials
December 04, 2005
Thursday was one humdinger of a day, let me tell you. Actually, yes, really – let me tell you.
I woke up at the ungodly hour of 8 am – I know you working types are sneering in my general direction as you read this, but I normally sleep until around 11, because I stay awake until the wee hours. And I hate alarms. And I like sleep. And I am lazy. So there. The first order of the day was a photo shoot with the indomitable and hilarious Bob Coulter (his second book, Bad Girls Hotel was just released in November). He was quite thrilled about a newly discovered short stay hotel to shoot in that was the epitome of sleaze. The place was outfitted with bullet-proof glass between us and the, uh, concierge. Right near the check in station was a hand written sign that read: “Only one couple per room. A couple is ONE man and ONE woman. The couple must arrive and leave together. The man or the woman cannot leave and have another man or woman come into the room. If this happens, you will be charged a new billing cycle. No guests.”
Bob pointed to it and asked, “How come all the rules?”
The concierge called through the thick, smudged glass, “Gotta keep those people out.”
“Hookers and queers?” he queried.
She nodded sagely.
“Only the best for you, Audacia,” he laughed, and we heaved our bags across the linoleum towards a room in the back corner of the first floor.
Bob and I clicked well, and we were calling each other bad names and laughing within minutes. I produced an outfit (if you can call it that) consisting of red plaid tights slightly torn at the crotch and red suspenders that gave me cause to say, “You like my big plaid ass, don’t you bitch?” All in a good days work (one of my more favorite shots is behind the cut at the end of this post).
After the shoot, I darted home, ate a ham sandwich, finished reading On the Down Low, went to class, ate another ham sandwich and then headed to the Museum of Sex for the Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong panel.
I was a bit nervous because I was walking into an interesting situation: former employer + presence of family, friends, $pread editors, newish lover + being on a panel with people I admire greatly. No number of ham sandwiches could’ve quelled my nerves (though truth be told, I didn’t test this hypothesis too thoroughly, having only eaten two sandwiches).
Anxiety aside, things went off without a hitch. I psyched myself up enough that I could make myself heard among the many opinionated voices on the panel (many of which belonged to pretty ladies wearing sexy glasses – hotcha!). The ten people on the panel introduced themselves and talked briefly about their backgrounds and their pieces in the book, and then Disinfo’s Richard Metzger pointed questions at us. He kicked things off with a question for me about fetishes – does or should everyone have them? Where do they come from? - Prompting me to give a yes/no/maybe answer and jump start conversation about repression, shame, desire, and the fact that spaces to express/explore sexuality are often commercial ones (pay for play like strip clubs, porn or mainstream advertising).
Once the floor was opened up to audience input, things started to get a little bit out of hand, though in an animated, enthusiastic and exciting way. Dell Williams, the founder of the first women-only sex toy shop Eve’s Garden, rose up from the audience to applause from the panel members and started to talk about masturbation, complete with a clit-rubbing hand gesture which I’d love to see more 80 year old women make. She also broached the most excitement-inducing topic of the evening, god and sex. It was interesting to see how excited people were about the notion of sexuality and spirituality being entwined – there was much enthusiasm for the idea that religion and a good hard screw aren’t necessarily oppositional forces. I did, however, feel the need to interject my perspective – some of us (me!) don’t care for the god/sex mixture and are more than happy to keep on fucking without the goal of reaching a spiritual plane.
Porn was also a major topic, as many of the folks on the panel are involved in the adult industry in some way. There was nicely nuanced discussion about what is degrading, prompted by an audience member asking if facials are a bad thing. The short answer: its all about consent and communication, kids. Sometimes “degrading” can be hot, if the acts are agreed on by everyone involved. Of course, when you throw a camera and/or an audience into that, you create a bigger and more complex land of interpretation, hence the endless duels and dances around the politics of porn.
All things told, it was a good night. I like public appearances like this one, a little bit because I like public appearances in general but a lot because I get totally juiced about discourse around sexuality. I am a mondo nerd. And damn proud, buckaroos.
ps_DSC1315
Originally uploaded by brianvan. Here’s a cute picture of me and Rachel Kramer Bussel after the panel. Yes, I am wearing a name tag. Hers apparently fell off.
Thursday definitely recharged me in lots of ways, and I feel pretty pumped about things, ready to make giant lists of things I want to do, scrawl notes about mischievous projects I want to work on, and stay up all night buzzing with ideas. Now I just have to direct that energy towards wrapping up the winter issue of $pread and writing final papers for the next two weeks, and then I can get down with a million other things. Just. Let the caffeine fueled battiness begin.
P.S. - Clicky below for plaid ass-ness.
Posted by Dacia at December 4, 2005 12:37 AM
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Comments
I didn’t know there were nerds in the subject area of sex. I always thought knowledge of sexual matters made you instantly cool. And I love the plaid ass.
Posted by: Mark at December 4, 2005 02:51 AM
::points to self:: big fat sex nerd. love talking about it, reading about it, hypothesizing about it, thinking about it, and, of course, doing it. seriously, though. all of the (CONSIDERABLE) number of books I have checked out from various libraries are about sex, sex work, sexuality, and the like.
Posted by: Lioness at December 4, 2005 05:34 AM
LOVE the tights! Makes for a great shot!
Wish I could have been there. That would have been a killer way to celebrate my birthday.
Posted by: Garrison Steelle at December 4, 2005 07:12 AM
So what’s your definition of “cool,” Mark? Because if it is what I think it is, then I think cool people are boring. Nerds are hot. Of course this is coming from a self-proclaimed, unapologetic nerd - oh, and I only like to fuck nerds, as well.
Posted by: Amber at December 4, 2005 11:03 AM
You ass is not that big. IMHO it’s just right.
I think for that picture he must’ve used a major wide angle lens.
Posted by: Viviane at December 4, 2005 11:24 AM
Sexy and skeevy! You MUST tell me where this hotel is!
Posted by: michelle at December 4, 2005 11:30 AM
Well Kiddo, you have arrived!
Love Coulter’s work and you look spectacular. Sorry to have missed your MoSex event - I was actually looking forward to hearing both you and the Lusty Lady speak but it was not to be.
You’re a bit hard on yourself - your plaid ass-ness looks quite alluring indeed - congrats, Crazy Babe!
Posted by: mister_pj at December 5, 2005 09:31 AM
What a magnificent ass! What more need be said?
Posted by: thom at December 5, 2005 10:24 AM
I’m glad the panels went well!
A very cute picture of you and Rachel.
And the plaid ass. Wonderfulness. I can’t wear plaid ever, but you should wear it whenever you damn well please.
Posted by: Marvin at December 5, 2005 04:34 PM
Yep, also a giant sex nerd. Also prefer to fuck geeks, with only a few exceptions.
And that is an awesome picture!
Posted by: Seraglio at December 6, 2005 04:36 PM
what a fabo ass
Posted by: Connman at December 14, 2005 12:36 AM
