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Sad cock woes (Ask Audacia 6)

September 30, 2005

Okay, so I’m trying to get back on track with this Ask Audacia business after a long-ass break from it over the summer, as it seems that its something folks are interested in. So, without further ado…

I think I am starting to become a bit dysfunctional sexually as I get older. It takes me forever to masturbate. I tried reading some urology info on-line to see about the dysfunction, but it was really beyond me. I’m interested in using a cock ring to make it through to the end, but I hadn’t figured out a good climatic ending to my fantasy yet. I have talked with my family doctor, but he wasn’t especially helpful. Any insights into not losing what I have left sexually?

If some spam I got this morning is to be believed - “pills will make your life better.” Too bad that’s total bunk; for the moment, stay as far away from medicinal solutions to your problems. Over-prescribing for a huge variety of ailments, perceived and real, is a major problem in this country, so make sure you’ve fully explored your options and given some solid and deep thought to the concept of “dysfunction” before you make a leap in that direction. That said, to dig a little deeper into what you’re after, I want to point out a couple of the phrases you used: “I think I am starting to become a bit dysfunctional sexually. It takes me forever to masturbate.” “Any insights into not losing what I have left sexually?”

I think you need to slightly restructure the way you’re thinking about your sexuality - I know, easier said than done. Sexuality and sexual response change over a lifetime - you aren’t physically or emotionally the same guy you were in your 20s, so why expect all your parts to operate the same as they did when you were younger? You could use this change to explore different ways of getting and giving pleasure. I’m not poo-pooing your desire to have orgasms, because orgasms are awesome, but try not to think of your sexuality as something finite that you can lose and be dysfunctional in. Thinking bad thoughts about your sexual abilities usually only makes it worse, so - stop that! Again, easier said than done, I know. I do believe that there is a certain point at which sexual function could be considered “dysfunctional,” but I also firmly believe that the range of what’s “normal” is pretty expansive.

Problems with sexual function often stem from stress (including stress about sexual performance), crappy diet and lack of exercise. So, if you haven’t been motivated before to eat well and exercise, do it for your dick! Also, you may have heard all kinds of good things about a woman’s pubococcygeus (PC) muscles - well, men have them too, and they are vital to the health and well being of your pelvic area. To locate them, try stopping the stream of pee while you’re urinating. You can also use these muscles to make your cock bounce up and down when you have an erection (which when done to the beat of a song, is a very amusing party trick, in my opinion). Repeat that squeeze as often as you remember to – these are Kegel exercises. Better muscle tone and control will make for better and stronger orgasms, and are also useful for men who think they come too quickly (though that’s not your particular problem).

Also, start experimenting with different ways to pleasure yourself that don’t necessarily require an erection but might cause one - play with your balls more, start exploring your prostate. The cock is a wonderful thing, but it’s not the only thing on your body that can give you pleasure (and make you come).

As far as the cock rings go - cock rings can be great for firming up an erection, but they are meant to prolong hard-ons, so if you’re worried about taking forever to come, a cock ring might not be the best solution. Generally it’s a bad idea to leave a cock ring on for longer than 30 minutes. It’s designed to cut off circulation a tad, which in small doses is a good thing, but can quickly become a bad thing. For beginning cock ring experimentations, I recommend something that is easier to get out of – there’s nothing more panic inducing than having your cock and balls squeezed too tightly and not being able to get out of it. I really like this one from Babeland, it’s plenty sexy and has snaps to get out of quickly.

I know none of this is a quick fix like pills, but hopefully its enough creative fuel to help you get started on thinking about different ways to pleasure yourself and get more and different things from your relationship with your cock.

Posted by Dacia at September 30, 2005 12:35 PM

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