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Moving right along
September 27, 2005
After a lot of careful thought, I think I’m pretty well decided that I’m going to quit being a sex worker in some of the ways that I have been over the past year and change. I’m still going to be modeling (probably more so than before), but I’m going to stop doing private sessions. Once upon a time I had plenty of sexual energy to spare on clients, and my energies were regenerated time and time again by the experiences I was having, I feel a little sapped for energy, a little resentful of what I’m giving in sessions, and most of all that the money just isn’t worth it.
Being a sex worker has been an overwhelmingly positive experience, has really opened my eyes in many ways – and has helped me make bank over the past year with a very minimal time commitment. I’ve always been advised to quit as soon as I start to hate men – and that hasn’t exactly happened, but I’ve begun to resent my clients’ desires and feel increasingly possessive of my sexuality and my body. I just… don’t really feel like sharing in the context of a provider/client relationship these days.
I mentioned a few posts back that the imbalance of sexual things in my life has made it tough for me to be a good sex worker. I have enough energy to either be a great sex worker or be a great sex partner – but there suddenly isn’t enough room for both. I think I may be starting to build a new home for my sexual perversions, and sex work is getting in the way time and energy wise.
Of course, it remains to be seen whether I can maintain “retirement” or whatever – it’s probably not going to be a clean break. In many ways, sex work is pretty addictive – the hours, the piles of cash money, the control over my body and those of others. It’s really difficult to see my days in terms of hour-long sessions, and to constantly think – hmm, could I get paid for what I’m doing right now? From peeing to eating to squeezing my nipples, I’m always wondering about how much that’s worth. But since I’ve been there, it’s hard to turn away from it, to think about the eventuality of having to work with clothes on, maybe in an environment where I have to get along with people instead of just telling them to fuck off.
Posted by Dacia at September 27, 2005 12:06 PM
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Despite it being an overwhelmingly positive experience, The Waking Vixen is giving up her job as a sex worker.Of course, it remains to be seen whether I can maintain “retirement” or whatever – it’s probably not going to be a [Read More]
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Despite it being an overwhelmingly positive experience, The Waking Vixen is giving up her job as a sex worker.Of course, it remains to be seen whether I can maintain “retirement” or whatever – it’s probably not going to be a [Read More]
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Comments
Cool post, Dacia. Also, Dacia, meet Salvatori of Money Factory, and Salvatori, Dacia.
A few weeks ago Salvatori mentioned the converse of your problem, that if you spend too much time with sex workers you start looking at people in terms of what they might or might not do for money rather than simply chatting them up and doing the same thing as simple sex partners.
I’m not really saying the two of you would have that much in common (I don’t know) but the insights in your two posts complement each other very closely.
Take care,
figleaf
Posted by: figleaf at September 27, 2005 03:40 PM
How many maried women are doing the same…?? For a quarter of the price, probably… And you see, I often tell myself that should be an hooker… I know I’m now too old… but those costumers… it is amazing how much they can pay for what can be done for free in your own house… I’m a new reader, so excuse me if I’m not understanding all the sequels… but I like what I’m reading so far..;-)
Posted by: SeaRabbit at September 27, 2005 04:35 PM
Hello,
I got your link from Lee’s site at Writer’s Life and just wanted to say hello … I don’t have a question for you at the moment, but I know I’ll have one someday - I really like your site.
Best to you and thanks for being -
Posted by: Joshua at September 27, 2005 07:52 PM
Well, this will be an adventure, too. But you know what? I always like the way you decide to do things and how the way you write about them sounds so calm, so certain. And even if it doesn’t seem certain from your end, that doesn’t panic you. Onward, D.
Posted by: Prospero at September 27, 2005 08:36 PM
Your blog is one of my top favorites when I have time to sit down and read a while.
I just wanted to compliment you on being so eloquent and free with your thoughts. It is very enlightening to me. I often don’t feel comfortable replying because I am not at all sure I have anything productive to add… or I am in awe of what I have just read.
So, your change in occupation sounds like a fine idea for the reasons you have given… just keep blogging baby… keep bloggin.
Posted by: VanillaZest at September 27, 2005 11:11 PM
From all that you’ve said, this really seems to be the right decision. Taking care of yourself and your own erotic needs should always be top priority. Maybe this is a break, maybe this is it, but whatever the case I’m glad you’re doing what feels best to you.
Posted by: Lioness at September 28, 2005 12:15 PM
I too think that this is a good move, it’s getting harder all the time to maintain the emotional distance required, and the renewed legal overhanging threats are nothing to sneeze at. I think it speaks more to your better ‘integration’ of your various selves and senses here. It’s a mature decision, as long as you are making it on your own terms and for your own reasons. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
Posted by: VJ at September 29, 2005 02:55 AM
