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Just say no to documentaries!
September 04, 2005
This week I got into conversation with a company doing short documentaries about people living outside the sexual mainstream; they were interested in me as a candidate for their show. I ran the initial email correspondence past a few of my friends, and they helped me make a list of questions I should ask. My sense of what is good and useful in the realm of press has been refined over the past year, and I was considering the doc project because it would give me a kind of exposure that my writing doesn’t.
As I talked to one of the producers, I made notes about the things they thought were interesting about me and would like to film: my polyamorous leanings, the group sex, the sex work, the modeling. They were especially keen about following me on a date, filming a sex party, and filming a session with a client.
It’s just not possible. As out as I am about my life, my outness is filtered down to the written page and the spoken story; it cannot be visually represented without horrendous personal hoop-jumping and exposure of the people in my life. It’s not that I’m personally unprepared to be televised and deal with the resulting discoveries of my “secret life” - that I can handle, and I know I will have to confront that reality at some point. I just can’t in good conscience try to talk people into putting themselves out there in the same risky way; especially because it would have returns for me (promotion, etc) and not for them.
I know it would be interesting for some people to have a look into my life, but in a way there’s nothing to look at. The popular conception of sexuality relies too much on the idea that sexuality happens when there is more than one person in the room and their bodies are connecting in some way. But in my last several months, sexuality has increasingly been an internal thing – sometimes a struggle, sometimes a joy – and something that is so pervasive of my life that in some ways it’s difficult (or boring) to capture visually. In order for the doc to be made, I would have to put serious work into staging scenes of sexual intrigue, creating a production of my life – and I just don’t want to. It’s enough of a struggle to write intimately about my life while staying true to the actual lived experiences, but to drag other people into it in a medium where I’m not controlling the final output just doesn’t seem smart.
So for now, there will be no documentaries about me and mine. There are other ways I can be heard, and I’m working on them.
Posted by Dacia at September 4, 2005 02:20 PM
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Comments
I would think that it must have been flattering that they were considering you to begin with. That is a big ‘outing’ - being the subject or a part of a documentary that you have little to no control over.
Posted by: Keith at September 4, 2005 04:02 PM
I bet they actual will find someone who’ll totaly misrepresent much of what life is like for poly people, people who go to sex parties, and sex workers.
sigh
Posted by: Josh Jasper at September 4, 2005 05:36 PM
The very concept that your underlying philosophies and reasonings could be adequately presented by “following you around” shows how little they know about sexuality in the first place. Glad you turned ‘em down.
-G
Posted by: Garrison Steelle at September 4, 2005 05:55 PM
Yes, I agree. Good things come to those who wait and I believe your stars are all set to shine. Sexy Pics too, you are my crush ! Love you loads (feeling much better) HG
Posted by: heroinegirl at September 5, 2005 06:35 AM
Documentaries are too much like encyclopedia entries: they simplify too much.
And though you can talk to try to capture the nuances of your inner life someone else will be editing them and it is the editor’s arrangement that will give them their final shape and color.
Posted by: Richard at September 5, 2005 04:03 PM
