Jealousy and secrets

I have nothing helpful to offer, but just wanted to say, I can certainly relate to that gap between the life you live so deeply and what family (and in my case, friends) really know of it, and the craving to pull things together a little more.

The first time my parents attended one of my exhibits, I neglected to tell them there were nudes in the exhibit.

The ride back to Long Island was … interesting.

But, once we got past the initial shock and displeasure, it opened their eyes a bit and, while they never totally agreed, they eventually came to the point they could at least see the artistry of the work.

But that first train ride back …. yeah, not fun.

-G

I’ve just spent a lot of time with my parents and family, dreading the moments Dad would ask if I have a promising girlfriend, and hiding my laptop so that Mom would not come snooping.

And you know: they behaved. They kept their curiosity in check, for the most part.

Sure, Mom reminded me that I am no longer paid to be professionally interested in sex. And Dad raised an eyebrow when a cute waitress seemed to be flirting with me.

But by and large, they respected that I am all grown up now.

So at the moment, I am glad that my folks, at least, support the things they know I do (to the extent that they can even feign interest!) and leave alone the things I don’t offer to talk about.

Enjoy your double intellectual life. When it comes together in some way you need to share—at the opening of the film “Oh! Dacia!,” for example—you will.

And they will get it.

On another note: your cute brother is in a band? I forget: is he on the list of people with whom you won’t let me have sex?

To be frank, I think you would be doing your parents a favor by not telling them. In the same way that most people would never want to know about their parent’s sex lives, it puts parents in quite a position to consider their children’s - particularly when it is public and part of your profession.

Half the work I do is under my own name, and my parents know about it. Half is not, and probably never will be - not due to reasons regarding sex, but just because my parents could never reconcile their picture of me with what I actually am.

I suppose that is very un-PC of me - but I think I looking out for my parents in this. Them seeing the ‘real me’ wouldn’t be for their benefit, it would be for mine - and frankly, I was hard enough on my parents already.

Many people suggest that the revelation of truth leads to eventual understanding between loving people - but this is not always the case. Truth is not always desirable.

I partially agree with Burzum… partially don’t. I would have to say it really depends on your relationship with your family and what they’re like. If I remember correctly you have spoken about your parents on a few occasions; they seem like very interesting and very cool people who would obviously be better at handling your professional/personal ambitions better than, say, card carrying members of the Christian Coalition… but that’s just a guess ;)

Ultimately, and here comes the mother of all wishy-washy-cop-out-blog-comments, it’s up to you. I can be even more wishy-washy, I guess, by saying if it were me I don’t know what I’d do. I have uber-liberal, very cool parents who honestly would accept me; I doubt they’d come to any talk/performance/presentations however. Their biggest concern, I think, would by my happiness and well-being, but we’d all say that, wouldn’t we (or at least would like to)?

I actually got to/had to hear about my parent’s sex life very recently. My family was assembled for a wedding, and we were gathered in a hotel suite late into the evening. First understand that when my family assembles it means we go through hundreds of dollars of booze. So, that bleary evening somebody brought up a failing marriage we were all familiar with. My mother launched into an explanation of the importance of a good sex life in a successful coupling. My wife was terribly worried about my hearing this, but it wasn’t as bad as I would have expected, ultimately it was nice to know.

Obviously your situation differs. Whether it’s for you or for them, as Burzum mentions, shouldn’t be the concern, at least I don’t think. The question should be if opening up to them about this part of your life would further an existing, or create a new connection among you. If not, it may just be something they can live without.

I definitely think that its an interesting point that the truth is not always desireable - the truth is not always to be held up as the perfect thing.

I have an open enough relationship with my parents that I think it would hurt them if I lied to them permanently. So… something will happen. At some point.

Shame on you, Jefferson! Incest! Incest!

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