Generation of possibility

Hey Dacia, I am a fellow New Yorker (for all my 34 years) that is behind you. Think of it as exploring and not as rock bottom. You may feel alone at times, but like you said before, if you think it is a prison then it is. Think of all the bs you have gone through already and how you have succeeded. I have a question for yea, and it isn’t criticism, How do you propose to help people, when you do’t know how to help yourself? (before i get lambasted) What i am trying to say is you know how to help yourself, just be confident in your answers and your judgement of yourself before you give advice. Everything in life isn’t complicated, it becomes complicated when we think we can change other people and control what they do. As much as you want to help people, you must help yourself first. When you are back in NYC I am sure I am just one of many that will be here to support yea.

Yet again, Christopher…

How can you simultaneously claim it’s a mistake to try and change someone and then turn around and tell them they’re doing things the wrong way?

Setting boundaries for a relationship isn’t the same as trying to control or change someone. Establishing an understanding of what you need to be happy and comfortable is extremely important if a relationship is going to work.

Accepting uncertainty doesn’t mean you can’t be of help to other people. It means you have the wisdom to know that sometimes you find your way by learning as you go. You have to recognize that ability in others as well.

Helping other people isn’t always about providing them with cut and dry answers. Sometimes all you can do is relate your experiences and let people draw their own conclusions. Sometimes helping people is just a matter of letting them have a voice. And sometimes people just need to know that other people are confronting the same challenges so they don’t feel so alone.

I suspect Dacia is helping a lot of people with these just these blog entries alone.

I think the helping people/helping myself thing is something of a chicken-before-the-egg conundrum. I am always evolving; if I waited until I was perfect to begin helping other people, I’d spend the rest of my life focused only on myself. Also, I’ve found that setting aside my urge to develop myself in order to do things for other people often helps me grow tenfold.

Also, as far as advice and helping other people goes - I am very careful to not give advice unless it is actually asked for, and even then to couch it in lots of “I statements” and make sure the person I’m advising understands that mine is one perspective.

There is all kinds of helping - and I hope that Vince is right about my blog being helpful. I hope that in general my life serves as an example (not necessarily a clear cut good or bad one) that gives people pause in one way or another.

You know the single biggest problem facing teens at risk in this country is? Facing their sexuality. Why? Because more and more parents don’t feel they need to talk about it. We live in a society that is very prejudiced against sexuality. People can’t talk about sexual issues without offending someone in the general vicinity, or people are out and out scared to be caught talking about sex. This has filtered into the home life in a bad way. If more people could have the balls to talk to their kids honestly about sexuality, as a social worker I would not have to take kids to the hospital who have tried to end their life. Try to convince a 14 year old black homosexual in a small rural town that life is not bad when he gets flack from home, in school, and all points in between. A minority in a minority. More forums like this need to be out there, accessable to people who need it. Cause in some parts of the country, there is no hope for humans to deal with their sexuality. God bless your blog. In my studies of social and cultural history, I see what your doing as the cutting edge of how the youths at risk I worked with to know their not alone and the world dosen’t hate them. This blog, and others like it will be a source of incredible comfort to people who can find the forum and participate. Intellectual forums are needed to educate people and thats what this is. I may be wrong, but show me how? Keep up the good work Dacia, I can’t explain in words why what your doing here is important, but I know it is. Thats why I come back day after day…

Hey vance i never said she was doin ghtings the wrong way, what i was saying is that she has found things in her life that have troubled her and she has figured them out and has succeeded. I wasnt saying anything about being perfect in any way shape or form and I wasn’t telling her what to do. Dacia has entered a new world and found that there are many things that appeal to her. Her struggles have helped her understand and learn. That, vance, is finding out about yourself. What i was saying in response to her talk of struggling with sexuality, was to stick with it and fight on, that her life experiences (her learning about herself and the subject) have helped her already in her life. As far as the yet again vance, i do believe i said to her to look inside herself for her feelings about the situation and it appears she has been doing that for the past few weeks.

Ah, chrastopher, I must have mistaken “As much as you want to help people, you must help yourself first” for some kind of statement directing another’s actions. And that other thing about complexity being something we should stop creating in our own lives. Sounded like some kind of suggested change was implied. Sorry, chrastopher, must’ve read that wrong.

Let me tip toe through the mine field a bit here. I don’t know if the issue is one of planning, or figuring out directions to take, or who to be with, there’s no sense worrying about things that are going to happen. It sounds like you have made some personal decisions, fine.

You have a Masters to finish, and you do know what that is going to take. There is something wonderfull about goal setting behavior. I know you have friends that miss you too, you have written about balance.

As far as changing people goes, if we could really change people, nb would change his 14 year old homosexual’s reactions to those that are downing him daily. Only the 14 year old can do that, and he’ll end up in a big city befire he can do that. No magic wands. Just a lot of hard work. nb, my hat is off to you, for you do a far, far better thing dailt than I could EVER do.

So Dacia, please continue informing, educating, explaining sexuality to me and anyone else that cares to read the blog. I have a better idea of where my prostate gland is, and why my doctor sticks his finger up my ass once a year to see if it is still firm (a first sign of cancer?). I use that knowledge to look for g spots, and I leave the flashlight at home. I never thought that homosexuality was bad, so thank you for confirming that. Real information and education is a wonderfull thing, please keep it up, both here and wherever you do it professionally.

As far as informing people when not perfectly informed, I have never been perfctly informed. As far as straightening myself out before i talk to others to share what I know, I ask nb, am I not a psychological person? It means that even the best psychologist on Earth really doesn’t have it ALL together, no one does, except whoever posts after me and claims they have achieved Zen. It ain’t me babe.

Mr. nh carey jr, sir, my apologies for calling you nb. It’s 3:30 am here and I just can’t figure out how to get back into the comment and correct my references to you. Please accept my profoundest apology.

Monty