Meanings and doings

Great post. I’m sure people will come along and try to deconstruct your every word, but fuck ‘em (or don’t, actually). Sexuality, in all its shapes and forms, is uniquely complex (there’s your cliche of the day), and the things you are talking about here are really fucking hard to articulate. Usually I get exasperated and give up because I just can’t get it right, no matter how many words I pick out of my thesaurus.

In other news, regarding this rhetorical question: “Have I fucked and smarted myself out of viable partners?” - the other night, my friend and partner in awesome fucking said, “I think I fucked myself stupid.” Good stuff.

Jesus, I said ‘fuck’ a lot in this comment.

Sounds like you’ve got more than just academic smarts there, Dacia. I think your instinct to explore intimacy resonates with a lot of your other entries of late and makes a lot of sense. I’m not sure how much- or even if- sex and intimacy are universally intertwined for humans, but there’s certainly a lot of distinction between the two; they have their own complexities that warrant serious contemplation.

Oh, and I also wanted to say fuckity-fuck McFuckles fuck fuckeroo. Just because Belle’s sounded like a lot of fun. :)

It was been very interesting for me to read you questioning your sexual choices, as I am doing the same in my life BUT in the opposite direction! I have led a life of great but 100% partnered sex. Its a wonderful feeling to make love to the women you have such feelings for. Slow, sweet cuddly sex. Touch heavy sex, kissing licking, smelling, fucking her mind and soul as much or more then her G-spot or clit. But there are times as a man when you just want to fuck somebodies brains out hard and fast, without feeling anything but good. Finding myself single again, I am thinking about exploring a more active multi partnered life. So I think its all about balance. And I guess the grass is always greener!

I hope you find the middle path for yourself!

I have been away exploring also.

Not to sound weird, but lately I have been wondering what in the hell is wrong with me.

Caught somewhere between discontent and need. It is a strange time.

I think everyone has to decide what they want in sex. The details are unique to the person seeking the answers. “Have I fucked and smarted myself out of partners?” No you haven’t, you just are not satisfyied with the details of those relationships. Something may have been missing ( love, intimid contact, trust, who knows?) or maybe you found what you were looking for and it was not as satisfying as you thought it would be. Being content with what you need is a hard eqaution to fill. Finding answers is hard because most of the search is in you. Remember the two obs of research, objectivity and observation. Project back to the times that were most satisfying to you and objectivly ask why. I have moved in a different direction than most, instead of different partners and multiple partners, I found sex with a committed partner to be incredibly satisfying. The reason I settled on was the regularity of the sex. I was never big on the game of hooking up, I found that to work against my nature. Once I figured out what I like about women, whats really hot to me, I worked my ass off to secure that sex for me. It worked and still works for me. Do I miss the late night calls and small orgies, not really, the only time i revisit those memories is during masterbation. After about 2 years of fucking what I could, i took a break to re-evaluate myself. The break lasted 3 and half years. After the break, I fell into old habits with some of the same people and just did not have the taste for it, this does not imply i did not enjoy myself because at those moments I would not have wanted to be anywhere else. Ultimatly I discovered that what I had to give was a lot better than most could give and I did not want to share the goods. Whoever was going to get the ass shaking orgasims was going to have to prove they could give as well as receive. Greedy? Arrogant? I dont know. But I do know I like the way things turned out.

Damn you’re good NH, a methodology for looking into oneself and determining what is going on. I have admired your strength of character before, but I truely do take my hat off to you.

Most people need some help because they tend to misperceive their envirnment to some extent. Reaching that objectivity is very difficult, but it is achievable. Most psychologists couldn’t do it, claiming “am I not a psychological person!” I am not surprised that a historian could do it. Historians provided that priceless insight of “adapt or become extinct” that has served me well, so thank you for that insight.

NH, “Whoever was going to get the ass shaking orgasims was going to have to prove they could give as well as receive” is fine and dandy. What if that were someone like me who didn’t know how to give back an ass shaking orgasm? Try teaching first, you may have a very willing student. And the world can always use another capable of giving ass shaking orgasms. Self of itself is insufficient. When you have learned from your research, publish and teach it! That’s how we leave the campground a better place to be.

Dacia, I think you have a tough struggle that most of us go through more than once in our lives, and I wish you the best, I am sure you will come out of it stronger and more directed than ever before. Keep struggling, and thank you.

Monty

That was a great explanation. Thanks for sharing all of those thoughts and feelings.

It sounds like you’re exploring the teritory between intimacy, autonomy, sexuality and haivng sex. I’m honored that you’re choosing to share those explorations with us, and I hope they lead you to great places.

Perhaps once you get back to NY (I think you’re coming back, right?) You could explore some Eulenspiegel Society events, or possibly hang out with Columbia’s BDSM group, Conversio Virium.

I’m also facinated that you found the sex at Jefferson’s grounding. I’ve been in a similar situation, ahving moved recently from a community that had regular paly parties among really close friends, some od whom I was romanticaly involved with, and others who were ‘tribe’ or ‘family’ (hey, why should you be the only one who gets to be a hippie? )

I don’t have that sort of group here in NY, and there’s a lot of turmoil going on around me. I miss the sense of community, but I still never saw the sex events in the same grounding way you seem to. They were so incredibly intense, and the sort of energy I get from partner-sex is not something I can get that often at sex parties.

On the other hand, I fell in love with my current partner at one of San Francisco’s largest kink/sex parties, so grounding-type intimacy at those events is possible for me, but that’s the exception to the rule.

In the spirit of sharing, I think I’d like to have about a 70/30 percent partnered to wild group sex ratio right now. I’m at 100% partnered/intimate sex, and the desire for the wildness is pretty strong.

One last suggestion: have you considered going to a Human Awareness Institute event? They’re pretty hippy-woo-woo, but they do seem to know what they’re doing in terms of aiding people in exploring intimacy.

Why is it that people who like to come to others’ blogs and spout platitudes that are mainly applicable to their own life and no one else’s… why is it that these people typically cannot spell?

LOL Belle I was wondering the same thing!

Uhhh…spelling errors aside Belle, I don’t get your point. In essence all blogs are ‘platitudes that are mainly applicable to their own lives’ (the ‘blogger’). So if we as the ‘bloggee’ want to respond in kind…everyones collective experiences make up the whole. (I don’t think I have any spelling errors here, heaven forbid).

Sorry Belle, I’m really just a bad typist and I can’t find the spelling checker to fix my typing errors. I also find it beyond my ability to respond from someone else’s frame of reference. What you see is all I have, and I’m sorry if it’s not enough for you.

Gee, Belle, it would be of some use if you told us who was spouting platitudes, and what they were, instead of being all passive agressive.

Oh, but that’s how I like it.

Don’t be so quick to discount platitudes just for the sake of being cool new and creative, if you’re looking for truth. Platitudes are old and boring cuz everyone agrees with them. That is, they’ve been found to be true by the vast majority of folks for a long fucking time.