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Wherein I stand up and say...
July 04, 2005
“I’m from New York, where I’m pursuing a master’s degree in American Studies. I’m a community educator at the Gay Men’s Health Crisis, and the news and shorts editor of $pread Magazine, a new sex worker rights magazine. I support myself by doing sex work.”
And after I announce myself, I begin to find out that I’m the only out sex worker in the summer institute. It seems that many of the other participants haven’t had much experience in dealing directly with sex workers, so they don’t seem like they know quite how to deal with me and my many hats. I feel a wee bit like I’m being treated like a special item, but maybe I’m being overly sensitive. Although I do think its possible that this special treatment is imagined, I also came into the institute assuming that my profession would be taken in stride and I wouldn’t be the only one, but perhaps I was giving this academic crowd too much credit.
When I first introduced myself in a small group and said that I support myself by doing sex work, the group leader asked if everyone had heard what I do for a living. Gotta drive the point home I guess. The next time I gave my introductory spiel was in front of all 34 participants and the professors, and someone pumped his fist in the air when I said I’m a sex worker - in enthusiastic support I suppose.
Assumptions are interesting things.
First of all, its very apparent to me that the phrase “sex worker” reads as an euphemism for “prostitute,” and no matter how many times I talk about the spectrum of employment for sex workers, prostitution is the assumed job function. For the record, I define sex work as “a predetermined exchange of money or goods for erotic energy,” and although I do think that in some ways the phrase “sex work” sugar-coats things, I believe that the emphasis on work and labor is much needed. I’m not a prostitute, but I do see the political power in people in the sex industry claiming “sex worker” and then explaining their own position within the industry.
Secondly, the special treatment. I feel like there’s this tone of “it’s really great that you’re here with everyone else,” like I climbed big scary oppressive mountains to get here. It’s no great triumph against the odds for me to be here - sex work is a means of supporting myself while I’m in school and while I’m doing myriad other projects that I love and believe in. I don’t feel like I can claim membership in an oppressed sisterhood of sex workers because I myself am really not that oppressed by my work choices. If I was interested in putting a different kind of spin on my life, I could easily trumpet my academic credentials (barf) and not even mention sex work and no one would know the difference - because I am not that different from them. I keep waiting for others at the institute to confide in me that they too, are sex workers, but don’t tell anyone.
It’s interesting to watch people in the program make their approach to ask me questions about my work life. There’s a little bit of timidity, and a lot of apologizing - “I’m sorry if this is a personal question but…” and “I’m not sure if you feel comfortable talking about this but…” I’m comfortable, it’s cool, I get naked to make my living. I really want to just say, “Dude, seriously, I outed myself as a sex worker on day one. I don’t mind talking about it. Don’t treat me like a leper or a fragile soul. I’m tougher than you - don’t apologize.”
Actually, maybe instead of doing that in my head, its best to -tactfully- do that out loud, call folks on their peculiar treatment of me that they probably believe is sensitivity to my issues.
I realize this sounds kind of ranty mcrantypants - it is a little - but I am having a fantastic (though exhausting) time so far. Everyone is really brilliant, and from many different corners of the world and different approaches to sexuality. There are straight up academics, sexologists, a bunch of medical doctors, some counselors who work with sex offenders, and folks who do research for a variety of non-governmental organizations. It’s a pretty awesome opportunity to get to sit in a classroom with such awesome folks and talk about sexuality all day. There is so much work that I haven’t had much of a chance to explore the city yet, but I’ll get cracking on that over the weekend.
Posted by Dacia at July 4, 2005 11:11 AM
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Comments
Ranty McRanypants! Woohoo!
It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to just go ahead and tell people just go ahead and ask you questions if they feel like it. I can understand why some might feel… not uncomfortable but just… like they don’t want to offend you. It sounds like they have the best intentions. So now they just need to let down their guard.
Glad to hear you’re having fun! (As if there were ever any question.) Take pictures!
Posted by: Belle at July 4, 2005 06:33 PM
Not many people I’ve met in the ‘mundane’ or non kink world know sex workers on a first name, friendly basis.
Posted by: Sinboy at July 4, 2005 09:23 PM
Perhaps there is another way to view the dynaminc of people approaching you. An internationally attended seminar is a place to meet people, expand your horizons, and meet other “experts” in the same and related fields. I met a guy from Norway at such a meeting in New York, and actually helped him with a piece of research that led to him writing a book on software metrics.
I wanted to meet everyone at these conferences. My line was pretty basic,”what are you doing research on?” If I didn’t have any idea what they were working on, I’d ask for a reference, and a brief explanation of the problem they were to solve.
In your case, I might just say what field in sex are you researching? If you’re at the master’s level, it might be harder, and I might find myself wondering the best way to ask the question to lead to is there any work/research we could colaborate on in the future without making it sound like I wanted to jump your bones, even if that was precisely what I wanted to do. Why, you ask?
We have both gone to an international meeting, seminar, as professionals in the field or related field. I owe you that same level of respect and I should treat you as a fellow professional. Where there is ambiguity involved, I need to rise above that and maintain a professional standard. Defining sex work as ” a predetermined exchange of money or goods for erotic energy” insufficiently ambiguous as to allow a huge varied of “efforts” to be included, from prostitution to doing research on responses to different types of stimuli to the g spot.
This may just be me, and the problem I might have meeting you. On the other hand, there might be one or two other ex- or current academic types who might share the same problem. I hope it helps. If this causes you any grief, jetison it immediately.
Posted by: Monty Parker at July 5, 2005 02:37 PM
I think the thoughts from Monty above may be useful to you in an academic setting.
I’ll make the suggestion that if you are going for a degree in American studies that the conversation over at the History Talk Blog (June 26 post to be exact), should prove useful to you. There’s plenty of real research that can be done on prostitution & sex work in the ‘old West’ in the 19th century. Lots of unknowns and wild ass assumptions that you can dig your teeth into. [http://historytalk.typepad.com/basic/2005/06/proulx_prostitu.html]
Now I’ll make some half assed predictions on some of the reactions you might get in the future from the group you ‘came out’ to:
1.) Expect some well meaning but still serious and ongoing propositions.
2.) When ever there’s a question about prostitution or sex work, you’ll be the go to person. Ditto for ‘street walkers’ and some of the more unfortunates that use & abuse drugs while ‘in the life’.
3.) You’ll have to translate a lot.
4.) They’ll ask to be published in ‘Spread’ (They’re citation Ho’s).
5.) They’ll begin to take an unhealthy interest in your personal life and/or your parents if you let them and don’t set at least Some boundaries about this.
6.) Some people will secretly resent you or fear you. (This goes for nearly All workplaces).
7.) The rest will misunderstand what it is that you do, and will perhaps want to ‘save’ you from such a life. This might be to your short term advantage in that you might be able to get that internship ahead of that other student. In the long run however it can be a hassle.
8.) If you tell them that you blog, expect them to be VERY wary and apprehensive around you, especially at first. (A normal reaction, really). But this would argue for not telling anyone who did not need to know.
9.) If they ever get into your ‘private life’, expect the epidemiologists there to want to study all the tracking and vector/tree patterns evident among your circle of friends.
10.) Actually expect them to use you as an ‘in’ into any such lively community they’d want to study. Sort of their selected Ho on point. This might be a good thing, but not for too long.
Cheers & Good Luck in your studies, ‘VJ’
Posted by: VJ at July 6, 2005 02:02 AM
I can see that many would see the divide between someone like you who works in the sex industry and also pursues her studies. There are not many of those, from what I’ve experienced. And, wouldn’t it seem like you’ve crossed lots of hurdles to get where you are? I don’t imagine that I would be timid with my questions, and would just jump on in and ask - but then, in terms of the other participants there - would I ask them what’s their strongest fetish upon meeting them? Nah, that just seems a little rude and too personal, doesn’t it? I don’t think there’s any need to feel that you are being treated as an “other” except for the fact that you are indeed different, and I’m sure a good chance to ask some good questions.
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