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Hurtling towards go
June 19, 2005
In two weeks, I’ll be embarking on a month of intensive graduate study on the topic sexuality and culture at the University of Amsterdam. After my month in Amsterdam, I’ll be meeting James in Paris and then traveling for another three weeks, making this trip the longest stretch of time that I’ve been away from New York pretty much ever.
I can’t believe I’ve only got two weeks left with my city, my friends and my pile of work I need to get done. When I return I know I’ll be coming back to a life slightly altered - 7 weeks in foreign lands can do that to a girl, plus I’ll be returning to a city that no longer has Jane in it.
I won’t be getting naked for money for seven whole weeks (though actually there is a possibility that I’ll do a bit of modeling). I’ve worked my ass off lately in order to afford a seven week vacation, and goddamn am I ever ready for it.
I know I’m being too hard on myself, but in many ways I feel like I’m failing at keeping a balance between the pursuits of the mind and the pleasures of the flesh. I feel like I’ve veered sharply towards the pleasures of the flesh. I’ve learned a lot from it, but I also feel like this chase has taken me a little bit away from who and what I am at core, leaving me with this peculiar feeling of disconnect.
It’s funny (though maybe not funny ha-ha) that in order to reconnect with my bits and pieces, I need to leave not just my city, but my country and my continent. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to see my life a bit more clearly from a distance, and that things will fall in line a little bit better. I’ve designed my life to be a bit of a trainwreck, but I’m so deep in right now I’m having trouble seeing what’s next.
EDIT: To be clear, I won’t be deserting you all for seven weeks. I’m bringing my laptop with me to Amsterdam, as I’ll have plenty of work to do while I’m there and I’ll probably be updating with about the same frequency as I do here. In August, however, I’ll be backpacking around, so my updates will be less frequent.
Posted by Dacia at June 19, 2005 10:01 PM
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Comments
Independent study for a grad degree? Do well, and good luck, see you when you get back.
Posted by: Monty Parker at June 19, 2005 11:53 PM
Sometimes getting away is just the thing…
I know; a few years ago I took a temporary job far from home explicitly so I could get away from my so-called life and examine it from a remove. It was transformative, and I suspect you are about to experience the same.
Granted, your Europe option is much better than my Boston one was :).
I enjoy your blog very much, and hope you will be able to post during your adventure. Watching you experience and learn as you work on your balance is what makes your journal such a delight.
Well, that and the hott hott sex vignettes.
So come back to us with some interesting and some ribald tales, wash the cigarette smoke out of your hair, and pick right back up, a new Audacia in a new New York.
World’s your oyster, love. And say, aren’t oysters supposed to be aphrodisiacs?
Posted by: Bill at June 20, 2005 01:03 AM
I’m not one to drag away all you scholarly egg heads away from expanding your big brains, but just consider this…
http://amsterdam.craigslist.org/w4w/
http://paris.craigslist.org/w4w/
Some of us want to read about you fucking hot European chicks, dig? ;-)
Posted by: Todd at June 20, 2005 04:54 AM
I’m very excited for you! I know you’ll return with lots of great stories (which may or may not involve sex).
Good luck! You’re going to totally rock Europe!
Posted by: Belle at June 20, 2005 07:28 AM
Glad to know you going over to heat up the European CL boards. But do make a reservation to drink hot chocolate at Angelina’s in Paris, especially the Montezuma. And have a great trip. It’s great to go away and it’s great to come home.
Posted by: Viviane at June 20, 2005 08:11 AM
Put me in a corner of your baggage, take me with you, lose me while you’re there.
Or else take a truck load of pictures.
-G
Posted by: Garrison Steelle at June 20, 2005 03:42 PM
I’ve spent a total of about 6 years outside the U.S. (most of it between the ages of 21 and 28). Since I’ve re-rooted back to the States, every time I leave (I’ve promised myself to leave the country at least once a year) I can’t help but realize how much of the rest of the world I’m missing.
7 weeks is barely a blink of an eye. Hopefully for you, it WILL change you more than you’re guessing. When you look at your lil Book-Of-Life, every one of those chapters has a close…and a beginning.
Good luck. :o)
Posted by: Heath at June 20, 2005 05:44 PM
I know personally how just five days alone in London can change a girl. I can’t imagine several weeks in Amsterdam and the rest of Europe. I hope you have a brilliant time. See you tomorrow. :-)
Posted by: Nadia at June 20, 2005 08:39 PM
