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Ask Audacia Anything 3
June 17, 2005
And - we’re back! It was neither warm nor sunny in New England the last few days – in fact I had to purchase extra warm and fluffy outerwear to combat the fact that it was nearly forty degrees colder in New England than it was in New York. Being the resourceful girls we are, Jane and I still managed to have us some fun of the non-sexy variety. Anyway, onto the questions for this week!
Someone has asked to massage his prostate. I’ve never done this and need to know what I do after I get my well-lubed finger into his asshole. Help!
The way I usually describe the prostate is by saying that it’s a powerful bundle of nerve inside a guy’s ass. Rubbing the prostate is kind of like rubbing the base of the cock from the inside. This sensation sends many guys into orbit, and just because a guy likes having his prostate stimulated does not mean that he is gay. There are also some guys who (fears/misconceptions about anal sex aside) just don’t like prostate stimulation.
For adventures in manual prostate stimulation, I recommend you don a pair of latex or nitrile gloves (this link goes to a website that sells gloves – the design of it gives me a headache, but it seems like a good source for single boxes of gloves). This is partly for cleanliness and is a safer sex practice, but also protects tender ass tissues from fingernails. You should trim and file your nails nice and short before venturing into an ass, and be careful that your nails don’t scratch the ass tissue – use the pads of your fingers for all rubbing and poking.
Let’s start out with some ass anatomy before you go hands-on in search of the prostate. First, a bisection of the area in question:
As you can see, the prostate is tucked nicely at the base of the cock. The prostate can become engorged when it is stimulated – it’s often called the male g-spot because it behaves and feels (to the touch) somewhat similarly to the g-spot in the female. The prostate is best stimulated through anal penetration, which can of course be accomplished with toys, but is often way more fun to do with fingers. Fingers make it easier to gauge the ass’s response and to find the prostate – plus they’re cheaper than silicone.
When I do a prostate massage, I prefer my guy to be on his back, with his legs slightly apart and knees bent. This position is optimal for both verbal and nonverbal communication, as you’ll basically be face to face. Start out by rubbing a well-lubed finger on his asshole, and basically “listen” to it. You’ll feel it relax when he’s ready and then you can start your entry.
The entry to the anus is controlled by two sphincters - a voluntary sphincter is the first one your finger will touch as you penetrate him, and about a knuckle in is an involuntary sphincter. If you treat them nice – some soft rubbing and teasing - these two sphincters will soften to your touch and allow you to enter the ass. Don’t be surprised if they contract at various intervals during your play, and if your guy has an orgasm while your fingers are in his ass, be prepared to push back, as the contractions can be impressively strong.
As you push your finger in, go very slow and you’ll probably feel a bit of resistance – one of my favorite moments in anal penetration is the moment when I’ve just started to penetrate, I’m about two knuckles in, and I wait for the ass to relax – then suddenly the ass will give – on some people it will feel like your finger is being sucked into the ass. It’s a pretty incredible feeling.
It’s important to note that the rectum has a curve to it (see pic above), so you can’t just go straight in without bumping into things. As you push your finger inside the rectum, curve it towards his belly button – that’s where you’ll find the prostate (incidentally this is the same for the g-spot in a woman, but in the vagina). Though you’ll have to feel around a bit for it, the prostate should be about a finger’s length into the rectum (convenient eh?). I usually start out by rubbing small circles on and around the prostate – you’ll probably start to feel it swell. Of course you should also ask your guy what he’s feeling and if you’re hitting the spot. The texture of the prostate is firmer and sort of more porous than the smooth walls of the rectum. You can also use a kind of come-hither motion, like you’d do on a g-spot.
Sometimes prostate stimulation will cause an erection, sometimes it won’t. Sometimes a guy will love to have his cock stroked while his prostate is rubbed, sometimes he won’t. Sometimes a guy will ejaculate from prostate stimulation alone, sometimes he’ll orgasm without ejaculation. See what I’m getting at? Prostate stimulation produces a huge variety of responses that might vary from guy to guy or from experience to experience for the same guy.
I have decided it is time to invest in my own strap on after having used other people’s with varying degrees of comfort.
I would like the advice and guidance of your professional knowledge. I have noted the cheaper ones are uncomfortable when someone wants to get fucked hard and a piece of hard hollow plastic is grinding into and smashing up against my pubic bone. This has led me to just use my hand in the dildo along with my hips. For the fuckee, it works. However, as the fucker, I like to feel the action coming directly from my hips. Would you please make a recommendation based on your expert knowledge?
First of all, yeah – the all-in-one strap-ons totally suck. You see them a lot in girl-on-girl (not to be confused with lesbian) porn, and they typically consist of a veiny, “flesh” colored plastic dick attached to an elasticy harness. Yuck. If you’re serious about the whole strap on thing, you’ll be purchasing two separate pieces – a harness and a dildo with a base. You’re probably going to spend between $50 and $80 on the harness, depending on what it’s made of, and the price of dildos varies pretty widely. I definitely recommend investing in a dildo made of silicone, as they are beautiful, have great color and are able to be totally sterilized between partners or just when they get generally yucky. Two fabulous companies that made some of the silicone toys that are nestled in my toy box are Vixen Creations and Tantus. If you want to get a little fancy with a double ended dildo that works in a harness, try the Tantus Feeldoe or the Vixen Creations Nexus dildos.
Most good harnesses are made of leather (comfy), nylon (machine washable) or vinyl (shiny and often sparkly) and have adjustable leg and waist straps. There are basically two configurations: one-strap, where the single strap goes between the wearer’s legs kinda like a thong (blocking access to the wearer’s genitals) and two-strap, where the straps cup the wearer’s ass cheeks and leave the genitals free for play. The single strap will keep the dildo a little more stable, but it’s really a personal preference (my harnesses are both of the two strap variety).
Story Leather has a lot of really great harnesses. The Terra Firma line often have pads on that rest on the pubic bone, but really, when there is vigorous strap on fucking, you’re probably going to have a slightly bruised pubic area afterwards (I usually do). The pad helps, and as unsexy as it might be, you could try folding up a sock or something and tucking it between your body and the harness (Stormy Leather also sells a sexier pad for shock absorption). For maximum fuck action, make sure you tighten the straps of the harness periodically through your session – they’ll loosen without you noticing and loose harness straps will made hardcore fucking more difficult to achieve.
Posted by Dacia at June 17, 2005 10:13 PM
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Comments
Comment #1 - I prefer laytex to nitrile in these situations because nitrile tends to bunch a bit, and that can hurt.
Comment #2 - Thigh harnesses are good alternatives. Dunno how they hold up for more forceful fucking.
Posted by: sinboy at June 18, 2005 12:07 AM
I also prefer latex to nitrile, but nitrile is a good alternative for those who have latex allergies. Also, nitrile doesn’t break down with oil-based lubricants if one were to use them (though I recommend water based).
Thigh harnesses are definitely awesome, and good for forceful fucking, perhaps even more so than the old fashioned strap on method. I didn’t include them because the question was more about getting the ole hip-thrust fuck motion rollin’
Posted by: Dacia at June 18, 2005 12:19 AM
Wow. That MedExpress site is right up there under Worst Sites Ever.
Posted by: Belle at June 18, 2005 12:30 AM
Thanks for the posting. I’ve always found it a little wierd trying to bring it up with a woman. Pointing her to a good site so she can read a 3rd party’s ‘how AND why’ is a great help. You rock!
Posted by: heath at June 18, 2005 06:47 AM
Any differences between what is needed for a strapon harness for vaginal play vs. anal play?
Besides, of course, lube, lube, lube.
Posted by: SomeBloke at June 18, 2005 09:08 AM
As far as vaginal vs anal strap on play goes - no, there isn’t any difference in the equipment (except what you pointed out - mucho lube for anal), the difference is in the pace of the warm up and play.
Posted by: Dacia at June 18, 2005 09:26 AM
I prefer silicone based lube. I know they degrade silicone toys, so they’re probably not best for strap-ons.
Posted by: sinboy at June 18, 2005 09:33 AM
I’ll have to see if my wife is interested in trying that again. She said she didn’t like it so much, I think she’s more comfortable being the more submissive. Well, she has mentioned having another woman in the bed, maybe we can find someone who will fuck us both… ;)
Posted by: SomeBloke at June 18, 2005 04:26 PM
Thanks for this great post. You continue to educate me.
I was going to invest in a Feeldoe, but since I’m interested in the “thrusting” part, I am having doubts about it cause I’m not sure how stable a double dildo will be, and I also don’t want to have lots of bruising on my part. Do you think a strap-on is better than a double dildo in terms of “thrusting” value?
Posted by: VS at June 19, 2005 12:51 AM
Virgin-Slut: The feeldoe and the nexus double dildos are all built to be used with a strap on, so thrusting shouldn’t be a problem. I’ve had success with the nexus and this harness: http://goodvibes.com/cgi-bin/sgin0102.exe?FNM=54&T1=15BL04&UID=2005061909480984&UREQA=5&UREQB=4&UREQC=3&TRAN85=N I’ve never used the feeldoe, so I can’t tell you much about that one.
Posted by: Dacia at June 19, 2005 11:52 AM
Thanks for the prostate lesson. I had a vague idea of how it all worked but I knew you’d have the details.
Posted by: Nadia at June 19, 2005 04:58 PM
Thanks Dacia. I was enamoured with the feeldoe, only because it “looks” good.
Posted by: VS at June 21, 2005 04:31 PM
