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I'm not shy when I'm naked
April 29, 2005
Through conversations with a variety of people, I’ve gleaned that its assumed that because I’m an exhibitionist with sex firmly entrenched in my life and mind, I’m also an extrovert. This is not so true, though I’ve gotten more adept at social interaction in the past few years. At heart, I’m a nerdy introvert.
I don’t think that being an introvert is a bad thing necessarily, and its a result of a few different things in my life. I have a lot on my plate, and most of the pleasure I get in my life (aside from the naked time) comes from having my brain stimulated and doing awesome and interesting work. As a result, often when I’m dragged out of my brain cave and into the wild world of socializing, I get irritable because I could be at home getting shit done (I know, I need to fucking relax) and also because I can’t hear a goddamn thing because in my youth I was too punk rock to wear earplugs at shows. But anyway you cut it, in big scary social situations, I’m usually stressed out about talking to people. It’s stupid, I know, because once I get talking I have no problem making conversation, but initially there’s just so much awkwardness.
And now you’re thinking - what, this coming from the girl who just regaled us with tales of wrestling in fake blood? There’s an exception to this social awkwardness business - I’m much less shy when I’m naked. It’s my natural habitat and there’s a sense of power and joy I derive from being naked or showing some skin.
But, another twist in this story is that I don’t respond favorably to Mardi Gras-type situations in which strange drunken men are encouraging me to bear my breasts for beads - that makes me downright bitchy and very unliekly to oblige. Choosing to show my goods without creepy coercion is definitely a satisfying thing, but the pushiness of others is not to be rewarded.
My joy in nakedness is strongly linked to the joy I have in being Dacia. I was trying to explain this to Jane last night, and she quickly shot back at me with, “Well, what’s the difference between being Dacia and being your legally named self?” And the thing is - there isn’t much of a difference - Dacia doesn’t transport me to some other plane of existence where I play a role that isn’t me. The marked difference seems to be that as Dacia, I have a much easier time answering the question, “So what do you do?” while when someone at school asks me the same question, I find myself hedging around it and being vague.
But anyway, being naked is good. And I’m damn happy that my life consists mostly of getting dressed to go get naked somewhere else.
Posted by Dacia at April 29, 2005 09:36 AM
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Comments
I think Dacia is your own creation, conveniently without any inhibitions. She is that place/person, I think anyway, that cannot be judged. She is above reproach, ethereal.
Thanks for asking. Lol
Posted by: jays0423 at April 29, 2005 01:47 PM
When I first met Mrs. C, she was an “administrative assistant” which sounds better than secretary, but wasn’t anymore fun for her to say when we’d go out to various Manhattan meet and greets – she’d hedge and be vague too.
New York City is the land “so what do you do?” When I go other places, I have to remind myself that in the rest of the world it’s often considered impolite for “so, what do you do?” to be the first thing you ask someone when you meet them.
-T.C.
Posted by: Tony Comstock at April 29, 2005 04:09 PM
Even more NYC-specific but rude-elsewhere is the question, “How much is your rent?”
I make the blunder of asking non-NYCers that one all the time, but apparently that’s not okay.
Posted by: Dacia at April 29, 2005 04:28 PM
I commented on being more comfortable naked just recently as well. It’s funny. I’m far more social than I used to be, partly because 6 years of doing public relations forced me to be. But somehow, while naked there’s a charge that I don’t get, and it’s like with removing my clothes I can leave behind the image they portray.. or whatever. I’m babbling. :-) I guess what I’m saying is that somehow being naked I can just be myself. Plus I get off on others looking at my naked body. grin
I find I need a balance of being social and being alone. Too much or not enough of either makes me cranky (too many people) or depressed (alone too much).
Posted by: Nadia West at April 29, 2005 04:48 PM
Social awkwardness has hovered close to me most of my life. My social fears usually are that I’ll come off as a rambling geek or worse, as one of the afore-mentioned creepy & coercive types. But there may be still hope, at least for future generations. In Dan Savage’s column of advice for 15 year old girls this week, the shy nerdy awkward boys are repeatedly praised as terrific lovers who will treat a girl like gold. Aw shucks, Dan. Too bad I like them a little bit older.
Posted by: Todd at April 30, 2005 08:46 AM
Nevermind a job in public relations for high-profile “glamour industry” clients; paying below market rent is the ultimate New York status symbol!
-T.C.
Posted by: Tony Comstock at April 30, 2005 11:12 AM
I know a little about the power of another identity, enough to know that it must be treated with respect, like any powerful thing.
People still debate whether multiple personality is a “real” phenomenon, or is it “merely” role-playing. The distinction between those two things means less and less to me as time goes on.
Posted by: Mister Nice Guy at May 1, 2005 04:28 AM
RahRahRah to all the little introverts in the world. :o)
Posted by: Heath at May 3, 2005 02:41 PM
“Choosing to show my goods without creepy coercion is definitely a satisfying thing, but the pushiness of others is not to be rewarded.” I totally hear you. Though I’m not in the biz, I have bared my breasts at queer pride events. I don’t even mind the ogling. But at another event, I was considering taking my top off and some guy called out, “Come on, take it off, babe!” And it was such a turn-off, I changed my mind. Same goes for the nude modeling I’ve done at art schools, which I’ve blogged about on my site. One sour apple gettin’ too pushy can sure sour the mood!
Posted by: sk8rn at May 7, 2005 05:11 PM
