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Compersion - polyspeak for the opposite of jealousy
August 22, 2004
I’ve been dating Dirck for a year and a half, and the last month has been just this side of unbearable for various reasons. This week, however, we started to get back on track towards a workable future for the relationship. One of the things that has been an issue is his relationship with another girl - wve been talking about it a lot, I’ve been working towards understanding it, and now I’m trying to breathe, accept it, accept her and confront my jealousy.
Intellectually, I know that he likes us both because we are so different. But sometimes, I feel like the different things about her that he finds endearing are like a challenge to me - I should try to give him fashion advice or whatnot, though a part of me knows thats ridiculous. But last night, the three of us hung out at a concert, along with some other friends - and for the first time I began to really consciously confront my jealousy and begin to (try at least) to be happy for him that he’s been able to find two people who care for him (and vice versa). But still - its difficult to see her and want to judge everything about her in a kinda of viscious way that I’m pretty unaccustomed to. I guess I need to cut myself a little bit of slack, since this is the first honest open relationship I’ve been in, and obviously I still have a lot of learning and growing to do.
When I tell people I’m in an open relationship, they always say something like “Don’t you get jealous?” or “I would never be able to do that, I’m too jealous.” I always laugh it off, and tell them that I don’t get jealous. Well, that’s just not true. There, I said it: I get jealous. Now I just need to find constructive ways to deal with it adn really work towards compersion. I know that jealousy will probbaly always peek through - but I have to learn when to sit with it and mull it over and when to ask for support, etc. Its at least as hard as it looks.
Posted by Dacia at August 22, 2004 11:24 AM
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