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Lust and hibernation
November 14, 2004
Since starting my MA this fall, I’ve settled into a pattern when it comes to weekends: basically, I hide. Sometimes this hiding out includes a friend, but more often it is just me, in my pajamas, reading and writing furiously.
I’m entering that delightful tunnel-vision time in the semester, where my legs feel funny when I stand up, where I sit amongst a stack of books, scribbling notes, chasing primary sources through the library systems, a little bleary-eyed but mentally alive.
It’s peculiar, trying to create a balance between the brain and the body. I swing along on a kind of pendulum, spending weekends like these or nights up to here with carnal pursuits, sometimes hitting my stride and blending the two.
I haven’t been having as much partnered sex as I’d like – I know, boo-fucking-hoo right? Dirck and I have sex once a week if we’re lucky, but usually it’s once every two weeks. Which in many respects is awful, because I’d really like to be fucking him daily. But life intervenes.
Over the past six months or so, I’ve been thinking a lot about this issue of balance in my life. Essentially, I’m quite the introvert. The complication is that I’m an introvert with a voracious sexual appetite. When I bend more frequently to my lust for partnered sex, I find myself getting cranky about not having enough time to myself. So lately I’ve been dealing with this the old-fashioned way – lots of masturbation, with some pining for partnered sex, but also with the knowledge that having another body around is awesome, except that body will probably want to talk afterwards and won’t just teleport outta here.
As in all things, it’s about balance, and balance is about compromise. And compromise means that brat that I am, I won’t always get what I want, partly because what I want in a certain moment isn’t always what I need. Except with chocolate, where want and need are one and the same.
Posted by Dacia at November 14, 2004 01:21 PM
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