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I'm a catty, jealous bitch
November 28, 2004
Just because I’m in a successful open relationship does not mean that I have banished jealousy from my life. In fact, it seems quite the opposite.
When I was in a monogamous relationship (almost 5 years!) I never got jealous of my boyfriend spending time with other girls. I thought it was funny when one night, he called me by another girl’s name in his sleep. I didn’t get pissed when he’d come home late and tell me about the cute girls at the bar, because he always came home to me.
Maybe it’s just the intensity of my feelings for Dirck, or the fact that certain online communities make it easy for me to check out the girls who are hitting on him, but seriously sometimes I just want to yell, scream and send bitchy emails that say: stay the fuck away from my boyfriend! A lot of it is just this feeling that these girls just aren’t good enough for him, but some of it is also that I fear he is dating girls who I see as having serious red flags, who are going to get really attached to him and make his and my life more complex and annoying. But, explain it away all I can, some of it is just flat out, seething jealousy.
And this is the thing - I can intellectualize this feeling, I can process it, I can… whatever. But it’s still there, and I don’t know what to do with it. I have to tell him flat out that I’m jealous, and ask him to do things to reassure me and make me feel secure. But I hate the jealous feeling, and I hate having to admit it to him, because I fear that it makes me look crazy and emotional, two things I despise.
Posted by Dacia at November 28, 2004 08:40 PM
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Comments
So many countries, so many customs… Gregory
Posted by: Gregory at November 24, 2006 05:47 AM
