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My secret life
January 04, 2005
…is really not so secret at all.
This is not a new realization, but its one that’s interesting to look at in terms of progression and comparison.
That reads like the most boring sentence ever.
Let’s try to expand this in a not-boring way.
Many people who blog about sex do it very anonymously, for a variety of reasons. For many, blogging is their outlet for secret things they do that they can’t tell anyone in their real life about. This is not the case for me, as I’m pretty open with my real life friends about what I’m up to (some may say too open). When I started blogging, I had a general sense of what I wanted to keep concealed from my readers (my exact places of business, where I go to school, my non-sex career path), but there really aren’t that many limits, and the limits I’ve made I’ve stuck to.
Blogging has made me increasingly honest with my real life friends about what I’m up to – especially in terms of my sex work and my sexcapade, because I know that even if they aren’t current readers, they could easily become so. I have developed quite the honesty fetish, largely because of the blog. Seeing my thoughts and accounts of my doings typed on a screen, a screen anyone can read, makes me hold myself fully accountable for things. Although I’ve kept a paper journal for 10 years and running, I know that there are sections of it papered with lies, lies to myself. But the blog? It’s honest – brutally so about myself, though I am more reserved when it comes to my assessment of others.
It’s because sex, honesty and outness all matter a great deal to me, and to really make this happen, I need to own my shit – my stories, my feelings, my activities. I don’t want to be top-secret about everything, because that would undermine who I am and what I’m doing with myself.
I know, I know, there has been an awful lot of introspection around here, and it’s mostly because I’m hell damned sick. I’ll be better soon and hopefully making with the rock and the roll.
Posted by Dacia at January 4, 2005 07:25 PM
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