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Committed to the image
January 11, 2005
Technically, I’m a porn virgin. In the parlance of many a teenager, let’s just say that I’ve done “everything but.”
I’ve fucked complete strangers. I’ve fucked strangers for money. I’ve fucked strangers and lovers (sometimes both at once!) in front of strangers and lovers. I’ve gotten naked by myself in front of a camera (still and video) and stuck things into myself. There are pictures of me in compromising positions on the internet. I’ve fucked a boy on camera (my boy, and no you can’t see).
But I’ve never combined all these things into the most common denominator in the porn world: boy-girl fucking that will be packaged and available to the fuck-hungry public. That changes this weekend, when I fly to Los Angeles for the weekend and get nekkid and stuffed with cock for Profane Pirate.
Since I first announced this plan, several people have asked me a few pointed questions that I’ve answered to them personally but are also dandy blog-fodder.
Firstly, I’ve been asked if I’m nervous or excited – the answer is yes to both. Yeah, so maybe this was an either or question, but I don’t like those questions much. I’m confident in my ability to fuck well, hard and long. I am, however, nervous that I will look bad – I’m afraid my skin will break out and look royally teenage and fucked up (I still have somewhat bad skin, despite the fact that I’m almost 25 – I’m an oily Italian) and I’m afraid that I will look chubby and jiggly in that bad way.
I’ve also been asked why I’m doing this, which is a pretty solid question. There are a few different answers to this one. Firstly, I am something of an exhibitionist – this much should be clear from the mere fact of this blog’s existence. But beyond the written word, it does get me hot to know that people are watching me, whether in live action or in the privacy of wherever it is that they wank. But of course there is the hyperintellectual, evangelical pornster in me – which is a really big part of why I’m doing this. I’ve been working in sex for the past three and a half years. I’ve examined and prodded and poked at sex in my head, in my pants, and in other people’s pants. I like the sex. I like the porn, and think that it has great potential for awesomeness. I’ve been an outspoken supporter of porn for several years and decided that it was about time I put my money where my mouth is. Insert pervy joke here, about ‘other” mouths and money. Har har.
Also, I want to make my date-ability even more questionable, as if being a sex-working, graduate-degree-pursuing, multiple-relationship-sustaining introverted pervert wasn’t enough to stomach, my dates will be able to view my fuckstyle and study my moves on the teevee before getting down with me.
Seriously though, I’ve given a lot of thought to the possible consequences, and I think a lot about the worst case scenario, which is not that my parents find out I’m a whore and a pornstar. I believe that will happen eventually, and I know that they won’t stop loving me or disown me or anything crazy like that, though there will be some difficult conversations. The big deal of the worst case scenarios has to do with my straightworld employment, as the whole porn thing could be a problem. I’ve decided that I won’t deny my doings if confronted, but it’s not information I’ll volunteer at every turn. I’ve also decided that I will not be opting to develop any career options that involve children, as the sex thing could be a problem there. And of course public office or a career in evangelical Christian talk radio is probably not an option, unless I renounce my evil ways. Ha!
Bring on the evil, bitches.
Posted by Dacia at January 11, 2005 11:41 AM
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