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How to
March 01, 2005
Dirck and I keep picking apart our relationship, trying to figure out how to make our lives what we want them to be and how to make our relationship ours, not someone else’s expectations of what a relationship should be. In general I think we do a pretty awesome job of this, but it always feels like an uphill battle, almost sisyphean. Not sisyphean in the fuck it, this is ridiculous kind of way, but sometimes very nearly.
In many ways we’ve reached a plateau.
We’re two years in. We’ve gotten through the initial getting to know you stuff, the how much do we like each other stuff, through some really ugly stuff that most couples never face, due to choices we’ve made about the structure of our relationship and into the I would cut my arm off for you stuff. But the thing is, we don’t want to live together, we don’t want to swap diamonds or make babies.
So - now what? How can we make a life together that doesn’t look at all like other people’s ideas of making a life together? Can we even call it that? How do we make progress without just falling in line and saying, “now’s the part where we plan a wedding because we have nothing else to talk about”? How do we grow and not just slip into some pseudo-relationship craptastic numbness, keeping up appearances, moving along auto-pilot, taking each other for granted?
These questions don’t have answers. There is no how to manual for people like us. We’d probably mock it if there were. We’re grappling with this, trying to sort out - something.
Posted by Dacia at March 1, 2005 05:14 AM
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