Last Wednesday, I set up my International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers speech to auto-post about the time I would be giving it in Washington Square Park. I handed my Flip camera to Tess and asked her to shoot (plus she’s been curious about the Flip – no better way to learn it than using it).
I got a little past half way into the first sentence of the speech, and I just broke. I meant to deliver the speech with a force and enthusiasm that would inspire people, but I could barely get the words out. I think it ended up being inspiring in a way that was a little different than I intended. As a general rule, I’m not one for public tears, and I’ve certainly never cried in front of a large group like that.
Wednesday night I just felt gutted. I went out afterwards, which was probably good, but I just wanted – well, things I can’t have, things that don’t exist anymore. I know I am strong, and I did feel supported that night, but sometimes there just isn’t anything reasonable that can fix hurt. Thinking about murdered sex workers and the long long way there is to go to secure basic human rights for people who work in the sex industry – that’s a heavy hurt that is hard to mend.
I wasn’t sure I’d be able to put this video online, mostly because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sit and edit it. Truth be told, I haven’t watched it all the way through. I snipped the beginning and the end, and I know there’s a bit of a blip in the middle. I just can’t sit and watch video of myself breaking like that. My speech was about strength and vulnerability, and I know there’s strength in exposing my vulnerability, so that’s why I’ve posted the video. I hope it strikes a chord.
11:52 pm
It was definitely inspiring… maybe not in the way you intended it to be, but your honest show of emotion probably had much more of an impact than a strong voice would have. It didn’t sound like a speech, it sounded like a heartfelt plea, which is what it was.
You did beautifully.
lalana
12:46 am
brave lady, lady.
1:25 pm
[...] International Day To End Violence Against Sex Workers vigil in NYC on December 17th. She posted a video of the speech on her blog, Waking Vixen. Thought provoking and heartfelt, this speech is definitely one to [...]
11:50 pm
There absolutely is, and the fact that you posted this is a testament to your strength. Thank you for sharing it.
HUGS if ya want ‘em!